From the absurdly spectacular slow motion shoot out on the docks that opens the film all the way until star Charles Napier (Hornsby) banters with his local partner Rodriguez and their sexy sidekick about Rodriguez marrying her despite him having heard Hornsby screw her while she was wearing a wire earlier in the movie, Umberto Lenzi‘s Mean Tricks is an appallingly proficient bad ass cop movie that not only delivers every cliche you freaking demand from such films (Rodriguez’s gruff captain is nicknamed Iron Balls!), but in the best Italian movie tradition invents its own along the way! Continue reading “Mean Tricks (1992)”
Category: Umberto Lezni
The House of Witchcraft (1989)
At the beginning of this movie when I saw the scene of our hero discovering a witch dumping his severed head in her kitchen cauldron, I thought “awesome scene! Too bad we don’t get to see that more than once!”
Toward the end of the movie when I saw the scene of our hero discovering a witch dumping his severed head in her kitchen cauldron, I thought “awesome scene! Too bad we don’t get to see that more than twice!”
Then, at the very end the of the movie when I saw the scene of our hero discovering his new girlfriend was a witch and that she had a relative with a maggot-encrusted skull who chopped his head off with a scythe so that she could dump his severed head in her kitchen cauldron, I thought “this is like the special extended edition director’s cut of a scene that I’ve already sat through twice!” Continue reading “The House of Witchcraft (1989)”
Ghosthouse (1988)
It’s another Lara Wendel masterpiece! Mercilessly stinking up the joint in such bottom feeding Italian horror movies as Zombie 5: Killing Birds and The Red Monks, Lara now applies her special brand of standing around looking dumb and sounding even dumber (thanks to the obnoxiously dubbed voice with an accent as ugly as the wardrobe everyone subjects us to throughout), to this haunted house movie from noted Italian master Humphrey Humbert. Continue reading “Ghosthouse (1988)”
Eaten Alive! (1980)
Still hacking our way through Italian cannibal territory, Eaten Alive is another Umberto Lenzi movie about unknown Italian actors and wayward porn stars stumbling around the jungle getting raped, chopped up and eaten. Continue reading “Eaten Alive! (1980)”
The Spy Who Loved Flowers (1966)
Ahmed wears a carnation on his suit whenever he’s out and about trying to kill those who would defend and fight for freedom! He goes undercover with his sinister Chinese partner (Mei Lang) at a flower shop that magically transforms into an antiques store whenever the police come to investigate! Most diabolically of all though is that he even works on cross breeding different flowers all the while he’s got the good guys locked up in his secret lair, his hideous evil culminating when he announces the creation of a brand new flower that he calls…Oriental Sunset! Continue reading “The Spy Who Loved Flowers (1966)”
Superseven Calling Cairo (1965)
Superseven is the guy who gets the assignments that James Bond would reject as not flashy enough. Thwarting supervillains bent on world domination and equipped with monstrous secret bases is one thing, but recovering the zoom lens from a primitive video camera is something best left to a junior varsity squadder like Superseven. Or the guys from the old TV show Riptide. Continue reading “Superseven Calling Cairo (1965)”
Cannibal Ferox (1981)
A woman goes down to the Amazon with her brother and her best friend so that she can find proof that cannibalism never has occurred and is in fact just a cruel myth. But how do you prove a negative? Let’s say she goes down there and doesn’t see any cannibalism. What does that prove? Only that on that particular day at that particular time she didn’t see any. I was never real sure about whether she had thought through this whole thing as far as her research methods go, but since this is an Italian cannibal movie, I figured that the point would be moot soon enough! Continue reading “Cannibal Ferox (1981)”