I’ll confess that I was a bit skeptical when I began watching The Birds. I was thinking to myself, “this is a two hour movie about a woman being pecked by some whacko birds. How interesting can that be? Sounds like a bunch of bird doody to me!” And as is usually the case, I was right! The Birds is all about the world turning to bird doody as Alfred Hitchcock unleashes a very effective apocalyptic vision of nature rebelling against man! And by nature, I mean some stinky birds. Continue reading “The Birds (1963)”
Ghosthouse (1988)
It’s another Lara Wendel masterpiece! Mercilessly stinking up the joint in such bottom feeding Italian horror movies as Zombie 5: Killing Birds and The Red Monks, Lara now applies her special brand of standing around looking dumb and sounding even dumber (thanks to the obnoxiously dubbed voice with an accent as ugly as the wardrobe everyone subjects us to throughout), to this haunted house movie from noted Italian master Humphrey Humbert. Continue reading “Ghosthouse (1988)”
Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull’s History Lesson (1976)
Robert Altman and Paul Newman team up to give us some revisionist history about America’s greatest hero, Buffalo Bill. Mind you, I have no idea what Buffalo Bill ever did that was so dang great. I’m guessing that he killed some buffalo and Indians or something back in times when that sort of thing could pass for an occupation. Continue reading “Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull’s History Lesson (1976)”
Android (1982)
Android likely wants to be one of those “man’s hubris to create artificial life will only doom him” movies, full of moralizing and whining about how misguided it is play God and that we shouldn’t be surprised when our creation rebels as it desperately tries to experience what it is to be human.
But what Android really turns out to be is one of those “don’t create a horny robot and keep it cooped up on a deserted space station” disasters that could be avoided if the chief mad scientist would be smart enough to periodically book passage to the nearest pleasure planet for his randy robot. Continue reading “Android (1982)”
Wuthering Heights (1939)
Their’s was a love. A love of butter. Uh, wait a second, I must be thinking of a different couple. Heathcliff and Cathy were just a couple of crazy kids from the moors of England who just couldn’t seem to get things worked out. Continue reading “Wuthering Heights (1939)”
Zorikan the Barbarian (1964)
Though Zorikan sounds like some sort of rodenticide, he’s actually the best thing in an otherwise dreary heap of curdled Italian cheese.
Veteran sword and sandal pro Don Vadis (Spartacus and the Ten Gladiators, The Seven Magnificent Gladiators) scowls, sneers, chortles and tortures his way through a story involving a stolen religious relic which unwisely focuses on people walking, riding horses, sitting in tents, and talking about either stealing or recovering said relic. All that being said, Zorikan did have a really nice tent. Very spacious, well decorated and equipped with a bed. He may have been a low down heathen Saracen, but when he went invading, dude did it in style! Continue reading “Zorikan the Barbarian (1964)”
Shinjuku Triad Society (1995)
Takeshi Miike’s Shinjuku Triad Society has a Chinese triad and the Yakuza mix it up over some illegal organ trafficking business resulting in lots of guys getting beaten, shot, stabbed, eye gouged, and drugged. Not satisfied though with merely depicting a typical gang war punctuated with extreme eruptions of brutal violence, Miike solidifies this as required viewing for all real fans of crime films by throwing in the cop who plays by his own rules! Continue reading “Shinjuku Triad Society (1995)”