This is another one of those “stinky Americans destroyed Earth with their hubris” movies. Well, excuuuuuse us! Can we help it if our super secret defense programs sometimes interfere with the very fabric of the universe? You certainly can’t think that we would have foreseen that trying to draw energy to refuel our planes from some grid that encircles the planet would have resulted in everyone but three ugly New Zealanders vanishing! Continue reading “The Quiet Earth (1985)”
Aenigma (1987)
It’s not often that my gag reflex kicks in as soon as a movie starts. Most movies this ineptly made don’t get around to actively sucking for something like ten or fifteen minutes (that’s part of their ineptness – they’re slow to get going), but director Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The House by the Cemetery) starts it off with a soft rock ballad so wimpy, that even REO Speedwagon would be embarrassed by it! Continue reading “Aenigma (1987)”
Night Corridor (2003)
Written and directed by Chi-Chiu Lee and based on his novel (no matter how this one turns out, Chi-Chiu has only himself to blame), Night Corridor poses the age old question of what happens when your twin brother is murdered by monkeys after having assumed the identity of the surviving twin who was off in London working on his career as a photographer. Continue reading “Night Corridor (2003)”
Shock (1977)
Dora, her son Marco, and her new husband Bruno (is this a mob family or something?) are moving into a new house. Except that it isn’t a new house at all. It’s the same house that Dora used to live in when she was married to her first husband. But he committed suicide. And she ended up in the insane asylum. Other than that though, I’m sure it has a lot of great memories for her. Continue reading “Shock (1977)”
The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)
For all the pansies in the audience who are afraid to go to their doctor for a shot, The Amazing Colossal Man is quite possibly the scariest movie ever made. With an oversized needle being rammed into the ankle of the 60 foot tall lunatic roaming around the Nevada desert, the expression of anguish shown by Colossal Man only serves to confirm their worst fears about being inoculated against diseases like measles, whooping cough, or in this case, plutonium-induced gigantism. For normal folks though, it’s just a movie whose big climax involves a guy getting a shot. Continue reading “The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)”
Angel in the Dark (1991)
What if you were a cop and your partner got killed? What if your wife was shot in the back? What if your little daughter was pumped full of lead as you watched and screamed? And it all happened at once!
How far you would go for vengeance? Would you tear apart the city until you brought those responsible to justice? Would you break both man and God’s laws to set things right? Or maybe you would crawl into a bottle of cheap hooch, become a dirty disgusting bum and never get revenge! Continue reading “Angel in the Dark (1991)”
79 A.D. (1962)
A lot of folks ask me why they should care about ancient history in general and old Italian gladiator movies about ancient history in particular. Who cares whether some guy named Feces Maximus fought a guy named Flatulence the Elder over a beautiful girl named Chlamydia? What does that have to do with my life here in the futuristic present where people have normal names like Barack and Kanye? Continue reading “79 A.D. (1962)”