For the Love of Willadean (1964)

ForTheLoveOfWilladeanTitleAfter watching For the Love of Willadean, I’m reasonably confident that even now, decades later, that J.D. Gray is still a virgin.

J.D. was of course the country hick who pined away for the girl next door, Willadean. Though he would no doubt chalk up his inability to even get a whiff of Willadean to the unfair competition provided by the city slicker who just moved into the neighborhood, an impartial observer would surely have no choice, but to lay the blame squarely at J.D.’s watermelon-stained feet.

J.D. and his younger brother Freddy maintain a super cool bachelor pad tree house they use to spy on Willadean, her dad’s melon patch, and the new kid (Harley) from the city they immediately tag as a sissy, probably because of his fancy shirt and tie and over-moussed hair.

As all us real American folk from the Heartland are prone to do whenever we see a wimpy kid from the city, J.D. & Freddy set about giving him a good old-fashioned country welcome. By pummeling him with rocks and dirt clods!

They all become fast friends though once J.D. sees that Harley has a horse. And while J.D. is always eager to scheme against Harley in an effort to secure the affections of Willadean, he doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of “paybacks are a bitch.”

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Thus we are treated to the scene of Harley hitting his horse in a sensitive spot while J.D. is riding it causing the horse to throw J.D. in a bunch of mud while Harley, Freddy and Willadean laugh uncontrollably!

But like all great clueless virgins everywhere, J.D. has that never say die attitude that is usually quite misplaced. The remainder of the film details the two cunning plans J.D. has to win over Willadean while simultaneously destroying any chance Harley has with her. Proving that the trickery he fell for with the horse was no aberration, J.D.’s plans are notable for one thing: backfiring badly.

His first plan is clearly the stupider of the two (mainly because no sane person could ever believe the second plan even qualified as a plan at all) and involved Willadean’s father and his gigantic seed melon.

A seed melon is apparently a large watermelon that is grown for the purpose of harvesting all the seeds so that you can grow a whole field of freakishly large melons the next summer. It’s guarded day and night by Willadean’s dad, so J.D. figures that if they can steal it, Willadean will be impressed. Because nothing impresses a girl like ruining her father’s livelihood.

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J.D. though eager to look awesome in Willadean’s eyes, is not so keen to actually do any hard work or take any risk on her behalf.

He goads Harley into stealing the melon, but shockingly the theft goes horribly wrong when the next morning arrives and Willadean’s father goes into a psychotic rage in front of everyone when he sees the melon is missing. He screams, stomps melons, kicks melons and even bashes them with his rifle before his fury is spent.

Harley proves that big city kids are no good at pulling off big time heists when his conscience and good upbringing get the better of him and he owns up to what he did to Willadean’s dad. He even produces all the seeds from the melon in an attempt to make amends. Willadean is impressed by his courage so the crafty J.D. devises a final stunt to become Willadean’s favorite.

He’s going to make Harley spend one hour in a haunted house that he’s rigged up with all sorts of scary tricks. And he also makes Willadean go up to the second story of the house and back in order to allow her to join his club. Yup, definitely still a virgin.

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J.D. gets hosed again when Freddy and Willadean catch on to his game and warn Harley which allows Harley to turn the tables on him. But just as another idiotic plan of his is looking like its going in the opposite direction of Pantytown, the kids discover a bunch of money in the house!

And they discover a tramp with a Chihuahua also in the house! And the tramp used to be millionaire! And none of it had anything to do with anything! At least it wasn’t actively ruining J.D.’s chances with Willadean. Like everything J.D. did!

Surprisingly fun and entertaining, For the Love of Willadean is highlighted by Sammy the Way-Out Seal stars Michael McGreevey as J.D. and Billy Mummy as Freddy.

J.D.’s desperation to please Willadean is portrayed in amusing fashion as he constantly shifts his views to mirror hers while Freddy hilariously complains and disagrees with all the stupid stuff J.D. gets him involved with because of J.D.’s infatuation with Willadean.

The suspenseful watermelon theft is worth a viewing all by itself! It’s like watching The Great Escape in a vegetable garden!

© 2013 MonsterHunter

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