Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971)

Vincent Price may have appeared in virtually all the American International-Edgar Allan Poe movies known to man (except for that contractual snafu that allowed Ray Milland to sneak onto the set of The Premature Burial and steal his spot in that one), but even Price couldn’t be hornswoggled into starring in this stiff about some killings afflicting a troupe of actors in France (filmed entirely on location in Spain which is apparently a lot cheaper than France).

Jason Robards was drafted to replace Price and the way that Mr. Robards conducts himself for the duration of this exercise in slasher tedium, “drafted” would appear to be an apt description of his enthusiasm in playing the director of the acting company besieged by a vengeful Herbert Lom. Continue reading “Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971)”

Land of Death (2004)

Legendary Italian exploitation film director Bruno Mattei apparently decided that in a career as long and as aimlessly varied as his, it just wouldn’t be complete without one of these jungle barf bag flicks under his belt. And in true Bruno style, when he tackles a project, he does it with as much gusto as the three or four days of shooting will allow a 72 year old man. And also in true Bruno style, he realizes that whatever is worth doing poorly once is worth doing even worse twice and so he also shot Cannibal World in 2003, too! Continue reading “Land of Death (2004)”

Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks (1974)

Right away you know this movie is going to be one of those ugly, dirty, and cheap 1970s flicks where the special effects consist of junk just half-assed glued to somebody’s head. In fact, I thought I was watching the wrong movie at the beginning when things just kind of fired up with a bunch of people attacking a caveman. They were supposed to be villagers from a few hundred years back, but during one such attack I saw a guy wearing a pair of blue jeans and a button down work shirt, like he’d just got off work at the meat packing plant and decided to stop off in the woods to help some fellow townspeople beat up Neanderthals. Continue reading “Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks (1974)”

Lady Frankenstein (1971)

Frankenstein fanboys need to know right from the start that Lady Frankenstein doesn’t ever operate on a monster in this flick. Sure she gets involved in some brain transplant scheme, but that’s just a swap with her old, crippled up loser husband and the dull-witted, yet hunky handy man. What Lady Frankenstein is more interested in is being a cut-rate update of the Frankenstein story that gives a nod to women’s lib supplemented with a meager dollop of gore and skin, but really is only memorable because of how goofy-looking the monster is. Continue reading “Lady Frankenstein (1971)”

Elsa Fraulein SS (1977)

The opening credits paraded by over a bunch of black and white newsreel footage of Nazis doing stuff like marching around and saluting one another. I thought some practical joker at the DVD plant had pulled a fast one on me and snuck a History Channel documentary in there. The only thing missing was a slightly bored narrator droning on about “the German war machine” and “France immediately surrendered.” Continue reading “Elsa Fraulein SS (1977)”

The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

pitandthependulumposterVincent Price, Roger Corman, and Edgar Allan Poe rebound nicely in their second teaming after the deadly dull House Of Usher that came out the year before with a picture that finally delivers on the whole “haunted castle” gimmick. It isn’t really haunted of course, but you’ve got deception, betrayal, madness, secret passages, and most importantly of all, a working torture chamber down in the basement! Continue reading “The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)”

Dead Reckoning (1947)

Humphrey Bogart plays recently returned war vet Rip Murdock. He’s searching for the truth behind the death of Johnny, his best friend from the service. Rip knows that Johnny was a damn good paratrooper and he deserves his Congressional Medal of Honor, even if it has to be awarded posthumously. That’s not so much to ask for a guy who gave everything he had to kick the Ratzis in their Teutonic nads, is it? Continue reading “Dead Reckoning (1947)”