From what I’ve been able to gather from these cannibal movies, the actual presence of primitive tribes practicing cannibalism in today’s world is pretty limited. So how is it then that if these vicious cannibals are invariably “the last of their kind” a “lost tribe” or “thought long extinct” that every stupid group of documentary filmmakers, reporters, fashion models, and businessmen manage to either crash land smack dab in the middle of their territory, or worse yet, mount an expedition that takes them straight into their stew pots? Continue reading “Jungle Holocaust (1977)”
Category: 1970s
Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971)
Remember the curse of King Tut’s tomb? Ten years after Tut’s burial chamber was opened, six of the twenty-six people who were present for that had all died! Well this movie suffered its own curse: two people died and a body double was used in one nude scene! Continue reading “Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971)”
Where Have All the People Gone (1974)
Anyone who’s serious about surviving the end of the world needs to see this TV movie from the 1970s. It’s the definitive guide on how to not to survive the end of the world.
Peter Graves (Beginning Of The End) plays the father saddled with an 18 year old nerd know-it-all son and a shrieking, hysterical tom boy daughter, who, against all odds, don’t die when the big solar flare attack of 1974 turns almost everyone on Earth to dust!
It’s not too far of a stretch to think that about the time his son was whining about his mommy and his daughter was clutching a doll and demanding to be taken to the bathroom, that Peter was wishing his pile of dust wife and he could switch places. Continue reading “Where Have All the People Gone (1974)”
The Sentinel (1977)
Chris Sarandon in a wimpy little silent movie star mustache, a woman playing with herself as she’s meeting her new neighbor, and a cat in a birthday party hat. Yes, this is clearly a laundry list of absurd randomness, the stuff nightmares are made of, but if you would have spent more time in church on Sunday rather than tailgating, you’d also instantly recognize this as the foul doings of Old Scratch, Satan himself! Continue reading “The Sentinel (1977)”
The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970)
In Dario Argento’s first film, Tony Musante plays Sam, an American writer who is in Rome trying to find inspiration for a new work. Apparently all the inspiration he was able to muster up was a work-for-hire project about birds. He turns in that project and is getting ready to leave the country, when, wouldn’t you know it, he happens to be aimlessly walking the nighttime streets of Rome and sees an attempted murder going on!
To be fair, no one could have missed it because it was taking place in a modern (for 1969) art gallery where the entire storefront of the place is one giant, brightly lit picture window. Continue reading “The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970)”
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973)
The only question I have is where in the hell was Pig Pen? That stinky little fellow is the only reason anyone watches these adventures of an ugly, bald whiner and his weirdo friends. You would think that Charlie Brown would have the decency to invite his dirty buddy to Thanksgiving dinner, but alas, I guess this holiday is only for clean people. Continue reading “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973)”
The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)
Who was that masked man with the hairy lower back? That would be Don Diego de Vega, otherwise known as Zorro and I think that after seeing this movie, if Zorro was a real person, he would never reveal his secret identity more out of sheer embarrassment than out of any need to protect himself.
Producer David F. Friedman has previously tormented us with his yucky sex comedies in such varied vehicles of vulgarity as The Head Mistress, The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill, and Trader Hornee.
In all of the films, low production values and lame humor share the stage with actors who seem almost relieved when it comes time for them to lose their clothes, roll around with one of their ugly co-stars and stop having to remember their lines. The Erotic Adventures Of Zorro, at 102 minutes, takes advantage of this format to its fullest and manages to showcase several lethargic bumping and grinding scenes to no good effect. Continue reading “The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)”