A psychic girl with the superpower to summon swarms of icky bugs teams up with a revenge-seeking razor-wielding chimp to take down the mother of a deformed kid who both have been out and about in the the Swiss mountains killing people! Truly, this is the logline of the gods! Fellow Italian Lucio Fucli was probably kicking himself that Dario Argento thought of it first! Continue reading “Phenomena (1985)”
Category: 1980s
Panic (1982)
What happens when you team a pair of Italian trash cinema vets like David Warbeck (The Ark of the Sun God, Karate Rock) and Janet Agren (Hands of Steel, Karate Warrior) with director Tonino Ricci, a man with his own sterling Italian schlock resume of which Rush and A Man Called Rage are just a few of the highlights, and turn the whole lot of them loose with a camera crew in Britain? Panic! Pure monster prowling in the sewers panic! Why, after seeing this movie, I’ll never feel safe hanging around in my local sewers ever again! Continue reading “Panic (1982)”
Antropophagus (1980)
For all its notoriety, other than when the cheese-grater faced killer strangled the pregnant woman, pulled out her fetus and took a big old bite out of it, I found Antropophagus to be fairly restrained as far as gross out slasher movies go. Continue reading “Antropophagus (1980)”
Garfield’s Thanksgiving (1989)
Its bland zone-out-if-you’re-not-hyper-focused ugly-looking animated specials like Garfield’s Thanksgiving that make you long for a Rankin-Bass or Peanuts holiday classic or at the very least, the unhinged antics of the Family Circus. Based on a comic strip of unexplained popularity, it apparently revolves around a surly cat obsessed with food, his brain damaged dog pal and human owner (Jon) who can only be charitably described as a clueless loser. Continue reading “Garfield’s Thanksgiving (1989)”
Humanoids from the Deep (1980)
If you’re foolish and read the mainstream media’s criticism of Humanoids from the Deep, you’d likely come away thinking the film is nothing more than a cynically violent exercise in sleazy exploitation film making, made worse than the usual trash because of all the raping the Humanoids do. That’s not wrong of course.
Even after having just watched this filthy drek for the seventh time, I feel as slimy as if I’d just been molested by these deep sea sex maniacs, too! But all that misses the point of the film. And that of course is exposing the dangers of genetically modified salmon! Continue reading “Humanoids from the Deep (1980)”
Hack-O-Lantern (1988)
For those of us who grew up with Satanist grandfathers, Hack-O-Lantern really brings back memories. The fights with our square Christian parents, the assorted homicides, the ceremonies where hot babes were branded on their asses with our awesome logo, the sexing in the graveyard right on top of dead dudes and of course the strippers at the town Halloween party.
It was such a shame that mom had to kill our evil buzz by murdering gramps, but little did she know that he just went and transferred his dark soul to another grandson! That’s what you get for spending your time at the cemetery whining at your husband’s grave who we had to kill with a hammer instead of focusing on your Satanic studies, Mom! Continue reading “Hack-O-Lantern (1988)”
No Place to Hide (1981)
Contrary to everyone else in her life, I didn’t think that wealthy art student Amy Manning was crazy when she claimed that a man in black hid in her car or stalked her through the halls of her school while, saying “soon, Amy soon.” I also didn’t believe she was delusional when the flower shop delivered a black wreath with “RIP” attached to it to her.
What made it clear that she was unbalanced, though suspiciously no one ever commented on it, was that despite her belief she was being stalked by someone never seen by anyone else, she insisted on putting herself in situations where she was all alone at various locations. Under the circumstances, would a rational person stay late at her art class so that she was the last person in the whole school in the middle of the night? (Except for the black clad maniac chasing her through the deserted hallways of course.) Continue reading “No Place to Hide (1981)”