This DVD is a lot like that Tiny Tim sob story at the end of it – lame and propped up by only one good leg. It is ironic then that Tiny Tim’s segment in this, another gimpy attempt by Disney to trick you into making a holiday donation to their coffers, is the best part of this lump of video coal. Continue reading “Mickey’s Magical Christmas: Snowed in at the House of Mouse (2001)”
Category: 2000s
Legend of the Candy Cane (2001)
Throughout history legends have played an important role in passing down information and values to succeeding generations. Whether it was Washington Irving’s The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow teaching us that the jocks will always exercise supremacy over the nerds, the legend of Johnny Appleseed who pioneered the “tin pot as hat” craze of the mid 1950s, all the way up to more recent tales such as The Legend of Billie Jean which taught us that Helen Slater really did peak with Supergirl, our need to spin yarns of bigger than life heroes, deeds, and blue oxen are a window into our national identity. But of all the stories a young and bustling land vomited forth upon the cold prairie nights, it is the legend of the candy cane that has captured the imagination of Americans more than any other! Continue reading “Legend of the Candy Cane (2001)”
Misfire (2014)
Kickboxing and low budget action movie legend Gary Daniels has been making movies most people have never seen for the last 25 years. He’s on the other side of 50 now, but being an old action hero doesn’t necessarily mean you should hang up your prop gun and stop kicking guys in the head. Jean Claude Van Damme is also over 50, Steven Seagal is over 60 and well into his 70s, Chuck Norris is the action Methuselah! But your movies have to try to hide your advanced years, not call attention to it! Continue reading “Misfire (2014)”
Battlefield Baseball (2003)
Easily much better than the previous “greatest movie about baseball in Japan,” 1992’s Mr. Baseball starring Tom Selleck, Battlefield Baseball succeeds because of the relative dearth of baseball-related antics (as well as the dearth of Tom Selleck) and instead uses the trappings of baseball merely as a way to get across its message that everyone wants to feel loved – even a high school baseball team of homicidal mutants. Continue reading “Battlefield Baseball (2003)”
The Twins Effect (2003)
The Twins Effect (titled Vampire Effect for its US DVD release) had nineteen minutes deleted from it and some scenes shuffled around for its American release. I suppose that had I seen the movie in its original form, it might not have smelled about as bad as the sweat-stained coffin lining of the five hundred-year-old undead prince seeking to romance one half of the sensational Cantonese singing duo, Twins. Continue reading “The Twins Effect (2003)”
A Good Man (2014)
“No joy! No joy!” a desperate Ghost radios to the drone operators about to rain Hellfire missiles down on a terrorist hideout! The evil Islamic bad guy, code named Abu Normal, is using human shields!
But even after Ghost terminates Abu, the drone fires! Ghost grabs a nearby child and dives out of the way of the incoming missile causing engineers at Lockheed Martin to no doubt wonder what sort of superhuman could have avoided certain death at the hands of their $110,000 per unit airborne assassin! Continue reading “A Good Man (2014)”
When Eagles Strike (2003)
It may take awhile, like almost the whole movie, but guess what happens once eagles finally strike? They leave a terrorist sized stain of freedom all over the Malaysian island where a U.S. Senator has been kidnapped and held hostage! And lots of huts blow up! When will those dudes in southeast Asia get the memo that building their huts with gasoline soaked reeds is just asking to have it blown sky high by pissed off American GIs looking for payback! Continue reading “When Eagles Strike (2003)”