Category: Action

No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers (1990)

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No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers manages to sound like a tough bruising epic where a couple of guys are going to kick ass back to back against all comers! And this time, unlike in the first two NRNS films, they really, really mean it! And since I had never seen the first two and since this film never referenced the first two, I just had to believe that that’s what I was seeing on screen! For me it was basically, No Retreat, No Surrender: Blood Brothers! Notice how much better the movie got when you just ditched the 3?

And after a healthy dose of the Blood Brothers in action, I don’t even need to see the first two movies! Continue reading “No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers (1990)” →

Avenging Force (1986)

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There are powerful men intent on perverting all the United States holds dear! Powerful men who would stop at nothing to achieve their own deranged agenda! And it’s not just Democrats either! There is also the Pentangle!

If you’re like me, when you weren’t wiping wuss-sweat off of your brow from the sheer terror you felt when you heard about the Pentangle you were also rushing to your dictionary to see exactly what the Pentangle meant.

Thankfully though, you won’t be forced to hit pause and break the action spell that Avenging Force deftly weaves for every single one of its 105 minutes because a character helpfully explains that the Pentangle is a five pointed star. Each point represents one of the five secret leaders of the Pentangle!

And the Avenging Force? That’s one guy. Name of Dudikoff. Ex-Secret Service. Best there ever was. G-6 rating. Quit the Service after his parents were killed by a terrorist bomb. Raising his little sister on his ranch. Just a cowpoke roping calves, driving pick ups, and rocking the biggest assed belt buckles west of the Pecos. Until the Pentangle comes a calling. Continue reading “Avenging Force (1986)” →

Not Another Mistake (1988)

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This time all our boys come home! No, really! Even if they got leprosy! Eww! Ickiest POW rescue mission ever! But that makes it even more personal for Straker (Richard Norton) who goes back to the biggest leper colony of them all, Southeast Asia, to bust out all the guys from his crew that never made it back to the States with him when the Vietnam War ended! Why is it more personal? Um, because they’re all freaking lepers! That’s pretty heinous, even by the usual abominably inhumane standards of Charlie!

A lot of you wuss civilians out there would probably look upon a “no chance in hell, government will deny all responsibility if you’re caught” mission behind enemy lines as a pain in the ass.

I’ll tell you though, when you’re living the life and all you know is the Special Forces and it’s like the war never ended for you and every guy you ever loved as a brother is just a memory, getting one of these gigs that allows you to go back to doing what you know best (killing Commies) is kind of like winning the lottery. Especially for guys like Straker! Continue reading “Not Another Mistake (1988)” →

No Tomorrow (1999)

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Did it really take until 1999 to make a movie where a rapper hijacked a combination flamethrower/rocket launcher from low budget action icon Frank Zagarino? Did it really take cinema 100 years or so before it was mature enough to handle a film with Zags, Gary Busey, Jeff Fahey, Pam Grier, and prolific British kickstud Gary Daniels? Some of you are surely questioning the wisdom of letting Master P direct such a classic conflagration of paycheck hungry workhorses. I would question the wisdom of NOT letting him do it!

Other than ex-special forces guys who know some off-brand kung fu, who knows the most about wanton violence and reckless cussing? Rappers! Those guys are always shooting each other, burning their houses down, stealing each other’s bling, and calling each other out in song with such a proficiency in profanity that it would make a pissed off drill sergeant envious! And for a company as bottom-line conscious as PM Entertainment, rappers are awesome because they provide their own weapons and wardrobe! Continue reading “No Tomorrow (1999)” →

Nautilus (2000)

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“He’s young, crazy as a shithouse rat and likes to play with bombs.” Again demonstrating that he’s the best at whatever it is he does, Australian kickboxing movie icon Richard Norton single-handedly tries to save the past, the present, the future, and most importantly of all, the movie from total cataclysmic collapse! Sometimes he does it by kicking punks in the head, sometimes by shooting them, and sometimes by giving us colorful dialogue you just don’t find in nearly enough movies.

Shithouse rats aside, Nautilus is pretty much a floater even by the relative non-standards of the time-traveling submarine movie genre. You can’t help but compare Nautilus unfavorably to the granddaddy of all submarine time machine movies, Beneath the Bermuda Triangle. Continue reading “Nautilus (2000)” →

P.O.W. the Escape (1986)

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POWTheEscapePosterEverybody goes home! With these three simple words, David Carradine’s character (Colonel Jim Cooper) ensures that P.O.W. the Escape is one of the great movies of our or any time! Films that dramatize the bravery, honor, respect, and ass kick of our boys who are still over in Nam and the gutsy bastards who go back to bust them out of their tiger cages are the only reason that America tolerates the otherwise disgusting and unpatriotic practices and beliefs of liberal Hollywood

That’s one of the hitches in this whole democracy thing. You’ve got to put up with a certain amount of filth from anti-American longhairs in order to showcase the unwavering courage of the men who make it possible for these hippies to run down Jesus, the Flag, and families. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but that’s why we have to keep saying “love it or leave it!” It might eventually sink in! Continue reading “P.O.W. the Escape (1986)” →

Pocket Ninjas (1997)

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Pocket Ninjas DVD CoverPocket Ninjas is so awful it doesn’t even cut it as a fifth choice for a movie about three young douchebag ninjas after you’ve somehow plowed through all four 3 Ninja films. Without actually subjecting yourself to its seventy or so minute running time, it’s difficult to communicate the depth of its sustained failure.

Several times while enduring another of its endless and pointless training montages, I tried to remember why I even bought it, let alone continued to watch it. Then Gary Daniels would appear for a few minutes the Pocket Ninjas’s sensei and I sadly recalled that I was trying to fill in a gap in my project of watching the entirety of Gary’s filmography. That this project wasn’t suspended following a viewing of his space turd Spoiler will not reflect positively on me if I ever undergo a court ordered psychological evaluation. Continue reading “Pocket Ninjas (1997)” →