Category: Action

Blood Debts (1985)

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It’s every avid picnicker’s worst nightmare! Just when you’re settling in for a little potato salad and grab ass in the woods, a bunch of hunters show up and start shooting you and gang raping your old lady! It’s almost as bad as ants!

But this isn’t just a picnic gone horribly wrong! This is the picnic from hell because as the girl escapes her attackers, she starts yelling for her daddy! The picnic must have almost been in her backyard because her daddy comes running out of his house just in time to see his daughter blasted to death! And then they shoot him in the head! The only way this picnic could get any worse if it started raining! Continue reading “Blood Debts (1985)” →

To the Death (1992)

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Flawed kickboxing champ BJ Quinn has cleaned up his life and ironed out a lot of the character deficiencies he proudly displayed in American Kickboxer. He’s quit drinking, settled down and married his girlfriend, and is finally retiring from the sport and the violence that has been his life!

He’s even taken a stand against profanity, responding to his rival calling him an unflattering twelve letter word with “you shut your foul mouth and you hit the road! Look, I don’t need this shit!” Exactly B.J.! Guys like us living a straight edge, no profanity life don’t need some asshole polluting our gentlemanly air! That’s total bullshit! Continue reading “To the Death (1992)” →

Back in Business (1997)

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A classic sports car packed with heroin! A crooked cop out to make a buck and kill our heroes! A showdown in every low budget action movie’s favorite location – a quarry! A showdown in every low budget action movie’s second favorite location – an airplane graveyard! An extended game of pick up basketball featuring college football legend (and NFL bust) Brian “the Boz” Bosworth playing in only his boxers and work boots! It all adds up to one thing: former cop Joe Elkhart (The Boz) and Tony Dunbar (anonymous black guy you don’t care about) are back in business! Continue reading “Back in Business (1997)” →

American Kickboxer (1991)

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He is the kickboxing middleweight champion of the world. He’s not above using an elbow during a match and acting like a jackass between rounds by sreeching his trademark banshee cry. He’s got a potty mouth, a drinking problem, is a jealous turd who tells his girlfriend to shut up at dinner, and abandons the guy he trained right before that guy’s biggest fight of life! He’s also a hothead who gets into a fight, kills a guy, goes to prison, gets out of prison, gets into another fight, and then moves away from his girlfriend because he’s a pouty-assed baby. Meet B.J. Quinn, our hero! Continue reading “American Kickboxer (1991)” →

One Man’s Justice (1996)

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Brian Bosworth plays John North, a guy who is out to inflict one man’s justice after his family is viciously murdered by a gang of punks on the hunt for experimental military weapons. At least he is until his mouthy kid sidekick talks him out of it!

Thankfully, it was just a temporary bout of insanity that North must have been suffering from when he let the scumbag who did his wife and daughter go because he ultimately heaved the mastermind of everything off the roof of a high rise, but the fact that North even entertained the notion that bloody thirsty vengeance wasn’t right surely reveals the character flaw the got his family whacked in the first place. Continue reading “One Man’s Justice (1996)” →

Classified Operation (1982)

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One man against a torch-weilding mob a hundred strong! Cornered at his Uncle Jose’s country house where he’s vacationing with his wife and child! And being threatened with being burned at the stake like he was just some common action hero witch!

How can even the Filipino army’s most awesome trick shooter defeat these vile villains? Luckily he doesn’t have to because they’re just the townspeople he pissed off during his one man war against the evil but apparently tolerable Commando Falcon who runs the small town of Santa Lucia! Continue reading “Classified Operation (1982)” →

Phase IV (2002)

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Phase IV pretty much lives down to your expectations of a Canadian-lensed yarn starring Dean Cain (Final Encounter) and Brian “The Boz” Bosworth (Mach 2, the Oklahoma Sooners) about an evil pharmaceutical company trying to cover up that they went and accidentally cured the HIV virus! It’s a film that at least tries hard to be action-packed with frequent car chases, explosions and Dean Cain getting hit in his bad knee over and over. But it is also a film that is effortlessly stupid in its execution of all this. Continue reading “Phase IV (2002)” →