It’s every avid picnicker’s worst nightmare! Just when you’re settling in for a little potato salad and grab ass in the woods, a bunch of hunters show up and start shooting you and gang raping your old lady! It’s almost as bad as ants!
But this isn’t just a picnic gone horribly wrong! This is the picnic from hell because as the girl escapes her attackers, she starts yelling for her daddy! The picnic must have almost been in her backyard because her daddy comes running out of his house just in time to see his daughter blasted to death! And then they shoot him in the head! The only way this picnic could get any worse if it started raining!
The weather cooperates though but it’s about to get much, much worse for these raping killers! Dad survives the shooting and we all know what that means – there’s some debts that need settling! Freaking blood debts to be exact!
In a wardrobe choice that I can only assume was designed to strike fear in the hearts of those he hunts, dad frequently styles and profiles with the red track suit top that he almost surely pilfered from the Six Million Dollar Man. And dad is played by one-time Italian gladiator stud Richard Harrison (Revolt of the Praetorians, Killers Are Challenged) so no undershirt is required! But you know what is required? A pornstache straight out of Season 4 Six Million Dollar Man!
Initially then, the film is about Blood Debts’ grim search for justice, locating the scum who killed his daughter and her boyfriend and pumping them full of hot justice. In a silly bit of nonsense, the film insists on calling Blood Debts by his pre-vigilante name Mark Collins, though anyone who went through what Blood Debts did would never use his old, square “I still have a living daughter” name. I’ve read enough comic books to know that. And wasn’t Blood Debts something that Rob Liefeld came up with in the 90s for Image Comics? If not, you can use that idea for free, Rob!
Blood Debts though can’t look the other way when there’s crimes going on unrelated to his vengeance quest. Guy raping chick in the park? Blood Debts gives his trigger finger a work out. Drunk guy in bar mugged for $200? Blood Debts tracks the thieves back to their hideout and murders all of them, gets the money back, returns to the bar and hands the cash back to the grateful rummy who no doubt immediately drank it all away. Blood Debts is totally like a 90s superhero!
But Blood Debts’ good deeds haven’t gone unnoticed! A pair of mysterious guys kidnap his wife and force Blood Debts to start working for them. His new job is to clean up the city by killing the criminals that these guys tell him to. They assign him a female partner to make sure he goes along with the plan. Blood Debts doesn’t like it, but what can a deranged killer like him do, right?
Blood Debts learns from his informant (why Blood Debts had an informant is never revealed) that the guys he’s working for is really the Syndicate! They’re using Blood Debts to wipe out the old gang so they can take over the city! It seems like an especially idiotic plan what with Blood Debts’ antipathy toward any criminals, but when they go and car bomb Mrs. Blood Debts, I just shook my head and starting filling out death certificates.
As a standard movie watching experience, Blood Debts easily fails on every level, from its vigilante-turned-hitman premise (why doesn’t the mob just hire a professional hitman to do the jobs?), the deadly deficient dubbing, the repetitive and overdramatic music to director Teddy Page‘s complete inability to not only shoot action scenes but to stage and edit any scene so it doesn’t resemble the low rent Filipino project it clearly was. Just because you hire three white guys and put them in a room with an American flag doesn’t convince anyone that it is a police station in an American city. Every single other shot which clearly show dingy third world locations proves that again and again.
As a Richard Harrison 1980s action experience though, Blood Debts is as perfect Harrison’s hair throughout the picture! Watching him pose in his succession of glorious track suit tops and polo shirts as he shoots dudes, reminds you why VHS was the greatest invention since fire!
And as the movie progresses, Blood Debts keeps turning the creativity of his murderous ways up a notch, first with the classic exploding golf ball gag, to the use of a mammoth silver bazooka gun that even Equalizer 2000‘s Richard Norton would have rightfully lusted over, all the way to the ankle blaster he used to completely blow apart the big bad guy at the end of the movie! And credit Teddy Page (Fireback, Angel in the Dark) for redeeming himself at the end of the film for having the cinematic genius to end the movie on a freeze frame of the bad guy exploding and putting up some text telling us what happens to Blood Debts. Most awesomely abrupt closure ever!
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