Like Jane and the Lost City, this is another bottom of the barrel Indiana Jones rip-off based on a comic-strip featuring a heroine who gets into all kinds of outlandish and semi-nude situations. And while Jane and her PG rating never even tried to get naughty, Gwendoline actually attempts to deliver the dirty goods! And of course fails woefully. Continue reading “The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)”
Category: Adventure
The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)
Who was that masked man with the hairy lower back? That would be Don Diego de Vega, otherwise known as Zorro and I think that after seeing this movie, if Zorro was a real person, he would never reveal his secret identity more out of sheer embarrassment than out of any need to protect himself.
Producer David F. Friedman has previously tormented us with his yucky sex comedies in such varied vehicles of vulgarity as The Head Mistress, The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill, and Trader Hornee.
In all of the films, low production values and lame humor share the stage with actors who seem almost relieved when it comes time for them to lose their clothes, roll around with one of their ugly co-stars and stop having to remember their lines. The Erotic Adventures Of Zorro, at 102 minutes, takes advantage of this format to its fullest and manages to showcase several lethargic bumping and grinding scenes to no good effect. Continue reading “The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)”
The Deep (1977)
The Deep is a movie long on scenes of Nick Nolte and Robert Shaw vacuuming up the ocean floor in search of Spanish treasure and short on anything resembling excitement. The movie has also been “credited” with starting the wet T-shirt craze with scenes of Jacqueline Bisset diving around in a clingy top, but once she gets relegated to bored girlfriend status and just hangs out on the boat while Nick and Robert battle Lou Gossett and a big eel, the movie loses whatever momentum it had.
Nolte and Bisset play a dumb couple down in Bermuda on some sort of adventure vacation where they go diving around wrecks in the hopes of finding some valuable doodads or other. After finding one such knick knack, they’re approached by Lou who claims to be a bottle collector and is interested in buying this piece of glass they found. Continue reading “The Deep (1977)”
Kerim, Son of the Sheik (1962)
If you love guys riding around the desert on horses with their scimitars in the air, this Italian sword and sandal epic with a Middle Eastern paint job will surely put a minaret in your thwab!
There’s stampedes to maraud and burn an oasis, there’s messengers bringing tragic news from afar, there’s ambushes, counter-ambushes, attacks on a desert palace (as well as a retreat when the dang palace gate gets closed), and most pleasingly of all, riding around for some nice hot dusty vengeance by a pumped up dude decked out in an Arabian ninja costume! Continue reading “Kerim, Son of the Sheik (1962)”
Jack and the Beanstalk (1970)
Fee, fi, fo, fum! I smell the stench of another shabby Barry Mahon kiddie picture! This is the other movie on the DVD from Something Weird that features The Wonderful Land Of Oz, a movie that looks positively big budget compared to this one.
At least Barry’s ill-advised trip to Oz actually had the actors in costume, In Jack And The Beanstalk, most of the folks who wander around the set are dressed up like they were extras on an episode of The Brady Bunch, resulting in some scary striped pants, fringed vests, and a haircut for Jack that Peter Brady would have appreciated. Continue reading “Jack and the Beanstalk (1970)”
The Wonderful Land of Oz (1969)
Barry Mahon was a prolific filmmaker, oddly vacillating his directing chores between cheap sex movies like Fanny Hill Meets The Red Baron and Run Swinger Run! and cheap kiddie flicks like Jack And The Beanstalk (also on this DVD from Something Weird), and Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny. This two pronged approach Barry took to his career puts us in the unfortunate position of not knowing exactly what his movie The Girl With The Magic Box is about. With The Wonderful Land of Oz though, Barry is clearly aiming at the cut-rate kiddie matinee market, but manages only to hit his poor son Channy Mahon. Continue reading “The Wonderful Land of Oz (1969)”
Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)
If you recall the magical doodads Indiana Jones was after in his various adventures, they all had some kind of superpower that was supposed to awe us. The Lost Ark melted dudes who stared at it, the Holy Grail was like a fountain of youth and really kick ass dose of Neosporin and nobody remembers anything about the Temple of Doom or that crystal skull.
For my money though, the most fearsome of these jungle Maltese Falcons infused with voodoo magic juice isn’t one those top of the line cinema treasures, but one of its economy-class import imitators, the Golden Cobra! And you know why? Because anyone with a home theater can identify with what happens to our heroes in this film! Continue reading “Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)”