Category: Adventure

Ursus in the Valley of the Lions (1961)

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Ursus Lion Poster 2 ResizedIt took until the fourth movie in Ursus’ nine movie career to finally unleash his secret origin. Was it because it was too painful for Ursus to relate to us? Was there some secret shame that drove him to muscularly right the wrongs so pervasive in the ancient world he inhabited? Was there an Uncle Ben lurking in his background somewhere?

Uh no, this isn’t an angst-ridden story about some pussy bug boy! This is the tale of the most bad ass of Italian bad ass bodybuilder flicks! Just how bad ass? Four words: raised by freaking lions! Continue reading “Ursus in the Valley of the Lions (1961)” →

Atlas Against the Czar (1964)

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If you’ve ever wondered what would have happened if Doctor Zhivago spent less time pumping broads and more time pumping iron, Atlas Against the Czar is the vodka-fueled delirium tremens Russian fairytale answer!

And like Doctor Zhivago author Boris Pasternak and all the other great Russian storytellers, director Tanio Boccia (who is technically Italian, but has a distinctly deliberate Russian style as evidenced by his use of dance scene only three minutes into the movie and then spending a full third of the movie concentrating on the Czar’s archeological expedition) explores themes common to Russian literature such as suffering, evil Czars, and of course greased up hunks! Continue reading “Atlas Against the Czar (1964)” →

Agent 3S3, Massacre in the Sun (1966)

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The island paradise of San Felipe has undergone a revolution! The charismatic General Siqueiros has assumed control! Those assisting him though have an agenda far beyond a simple dictatorship of a inconsequential banana republic! They’re scheming to put the entire world at their mercy through the mad scientist Karlesten’s efforts to develop a deadly missile-carried gas! And only one man can stop him! Walter Ross, Agent 3S3! And he not only has a license to kill, but also a license to spank! Continue reading “Agent 3S3, Massacre in the Sun (1966)” →

River of Death (1989)

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Michael Dudikoff in a Indiana Jones-inspired adventure battling Nazis and in search of a lost city in the Amazon! How can that movie possibly be anything other than jungle action movie nirvana?

Well, for starters, the movie turns out to be Michael Dudikoff in a Indiana Jones-inspired adventure battling Nazis and in search of a lost city in the Amazon! Yeah, the second time you read it, reality starts to sink in. Just wait though if you make the mistake of actually watching it! Continue reading “River of Death (1989)” →

Marie of the Isles (1960)

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When the French teamed up with the Italians in 1959 to make a pirate movie for release the next year, one could be forgiven if the viewer was antsy that such a pairing might result in the sort of new wave pirate movie fans of Italian swashbuckling tales wouldn’t recognize, much less enjoy.

Would all the action take place in a guy’s flat with improvised dialogue between three characters moaning about the pointlessness of the human condition while unconventional filming techniques were used to show not only contempt for cinematic tradition, but also for the audience itself? Continue reading “Marie of the Isles (1960)” →