Lost Horizon (1937)

I might have been able to tolerate Lost Horizon‘s uptoian feel good mumbo jumbo about how everybody is really polite to everyone else and how all the Tibetan natives were forced to learn English (say, this is paradise, isn’t it?) by some pushy Catholic priest, if it all wasn’t just so freaking boring.

Director Frank Capra let that whole “slow down the pace” ideal of his paradise seep into his filmmaking here because this one edges ever so slowly from leisurely to glacial to La Brea Tar Pit paced.

It took him the first half hour alone to establish that the plane carrying star Ronald Coleman and his supporting cast was being hijacked to paradise. (If this place is so great, why do you have to commit an act of air piracy to get people to join up?) Continue reading “Lost Horizon (1937)”

Spellbreaker: Secret of the Leprechauns (1996)

Spellbreaker VHS CoverIt’s easy to say that Spellbreaker: The Secret of the Leprechauns is like some kind of mediocre wish granted for having endured its puny predecessor, Leapin’ Leprechauns!

If you recall, that film followed an old man and his stowaway leprechaun and fairy friends as he visited his douche son and family in Denver. Douche dad was trying to scam old man into letting him build the Irelandland theme park on Fairy Hill. No one believed old man about the existence of the wee folk at first, but everyone came around eventually.

If you don’t recall any of that, don’t worry because Spellbreaker wastes its first two minutes having douche dad’s creepy son, Mikey, narrate it all, accompanied by flashbacks. This is easily the worst part of Spellbreaker. That’s not really a compliment toward Spellbreaker so much as a reminder of what a pile of pooka droppings Leapin’ Leprechauns! was. Continue reading “Spellbreaker: Secret of the Leprechauns (1996)”

Leapin’ Leprechauns! (1995)

I want to tell you a tale about a guy who didn’t believe in the wee folk. He was given to lying to his pops, patronizing his family and worst of all possessing a douchey countenance and haircut.

He heard stories that his immortal soul was bound to be hauled off by some evil cloud-monster-banshee thing to whatever hell the wee folk think up for non-believers (lots of soccer and Riverdance, but I’m just guessing), but he what did he care because these little turds weren’t real, right?

But then, like in all other major religions, these pesky pipsqueaks started giving him signs like causing food to get shoved in his face! And magic markers to fly around! And a vase full of water tipping over on his plans for the moronically named Irelandland! (I like to think King Kevin was just trying to save this dope from himself with that trick.) Continue reading “Leapin’ Leprechauns! (1995)”

Eraserhead (1977)

Henry is a regular guy dressed in suit and tie and favoring the hairstyle that either Kid or Play made famous in all those great House Party movies. If you think that the movie is called Eraserhead because of his hair though, you seriously underestimate this film. Director David Lynch has a little more up his sleeve than run-of-the-mill nicknames here. Like dinner at Henry’s ex-girlfriend’s house that features little midget dancing chickens as the main course! Continue reading “Eraserhead (1977)”