Common sense would dictate that a certain hick town nearbouts Razorback Holler wouldn’t have all that much crime happening. The last time some city folk came by and killed a local boy, old Pumpkinhead showed up and slaughtered the lot of them. Then his boy appeared to kill not only a bunch of townspeople but also another pack of moronic teens. People should be no more inclined to commit some wrong there than they would in a similarly strict place like Singapore. Except that instead of getting caned for throwing your gum on the sidewalk, you’d have your head crushed by demonic claws! Continue reading “Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes (2006)”
Category: Horror
Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)
Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings is the sort of film that when you see famous presidential half-brother Roger Clinton in the opening credits, you cringe at the thought of how his gratuitous presence is going to ruin what would otherwise be a serviceable sequel to a decent horror movie, but by the time of the closing credits, you are thinking that at least the two pointless scenes with Roger Clinton as the mayor with an entourage were goofy enough that you actually remembered them, unlike the rest of what is the ultimate in generic straight-to-video 1990s horror trash. Continue reading “Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)”
Pumpkinhead (1988)
When will you city folk ever learn? When you done and gone killed Ed Harley’s little boy in a drunken dirt bike accident, you left Pa Harley no choice but to seek out the old witch who lives up on the mountain so that she might conjure up hisself a demon to right this terrible wrong y’all did.
And if you think this is just a regular run of the mill demon summoned from some lame ritual involving satanic douche bags in bathrobes uttering a bunch of Latin mumbo jumbo, well that’s just one more thing you city slickers are ignorant of!
For you see, poor country folks like Ed Harley, who runs the dilapidated food stand by the highway, doesn’t have two pots to piss in so a lot of this demon business is a do it yourself affair. The mountain witch tells Ed that if he’s serious about this supernatural revenge, there’s a price to pay! And the down payment is nothing less than having to dig up the demon’s corpse and bring it back to her! Continue reading “Pumpkinhead (1988)”
Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971)
Vincent Price may have appeared in virtually all the American International-Edgar Allan Poe movies known to man (except for that contractual snafu that allowed Ray Milland to sneak onto the set of The Premature Burial and steal his spot in that one), but even Price couldn’t be hornswoggled into starring in this stiff about some killings afflicting a troupe of actors in France (filmed entirely on location in Spain which is apparently a lot cheaper than France).
Jason Robards was drafted to replace Price and the way that Mr. Robards conducts himself for the duration of this exercise in slasher tedium, “drafted” would appear to be an apt description of his enthusiasm in playing the director of the acting company besieged by a vengeful Herbert Lom. Continue reading “Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971)”
Land of Death (2004)
Legendary Italian exploitation film director Bruno Mattei apparently decided that in a career as long and as aimlessly varied as his, it just wouldn’t be complete without one of these jungle barf bag flicks under his belt. And in true Bruno style, when he tackles a project, he does it with as much gusto as the three or four days of shooting will allow a 72 year old man. And also in true Bruno style, he realizes that whatever is worth doing poorly once is worth doing even worse twice and so he also shot Cannibal World in 2003, too! Continue reading “Land of Death (2004)”
Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks (1974)
Right away you know this movie is going to be one of those ugly, dirty, and cheap 1970s flicks where the special effects consist of junk just half-assed glued to somebody’s head. In fact, I thought I was watching the wrong movie at the beginning when things just kind of fired up with a bunch of people attacking a caveman. They were supposed to be villagers from a few hundred years back, but during one such attack I saw a guy wearing a pair of blue jeans and a button down work shirt, like he’d just got off work at the meat packing plant and decided to stop off in the woods to help some fellow townspeople beat up Neanderthals. Continue reading “Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks (1974)”
Lady Frankenstein (1971)
Frankenstein fanboys need to know right from the start that Lady Frankenstein doesn’t ever operate on a monster in this flick. Sure she gets involved in some brain transplant scheme, but that’s just a swap with her old, crippled up loser husband and the dull-witted, yet hunky handy man. What Lady Frankenstein is more interested in is being a cut-rate update of the Frankenstein story that gives a nod to women’s lib supplemented with a meager dollop of gore and skin, but really is only memorable because of how goofy-looking the monster is. Continue reading “Lady Frankenstein (1971)”