I thought this would have been sort of obvious, but is it really a good idea for a mental hospital to have an assortment of weapons including battle axes, maces, swords and an iron maiden as part of the decor in the lounge where the patients and doctors hang out chatting and playing chess? Continue reading “Slaughter Hotel (1971)”
Category: Italian Cinema
Aenigma (1987)
It’s not often that my gag reflex kicks in as soon as a movie starts. Most movies this ineptly made don’t get around to actively sucking for something like ten or fifteen minutes (that’s part of their ineptness – they’re slow to get going), but director Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The House by the Cemetery) starts it off with a soft rock ballad so wimpy, that even REO Speedwagon would be embarrassed by it! Continue reading “Aenigma (1987)”
Shock (1977)
Dora, her son Marco, and her new husband Bruno (is this a mob family or something?) are moving into a new house. Except that it isn’t a new house at all. It’s the same house that Dora used to live in when she was married to her first husband. But he committed suicide. And she ended up in the insane asylum. Other than that though, I’m sure it has a lot of great memories for her. Continue reading “Shock (1977)”
79 A.D. (1962)
A lot of folks ask me why they should care about ancient history in general and old Italian gladiator movies about ancient history in particular. Who cares whether some guy named Feces Maximus fought a guy named Flatulence the Elder over a beautiful girl named Chlamydia? What does that have to do with my life here in the futuristic present where people have normal names like Barack and Kanye? Continue reading “79 A.D. (1962)”
Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983)
Based on Dardano Saccehetti’s seemingly endless output (he wrote three other films in 1983!), it is understandable if you thought you’ve already seen five or six other movies exactly like this one. Indeed, it is hard to argue that Exterminators of the Year 3000 doesn’t owe its existence to Mad Max by way of Enzo Castellari‘s The New Barbarians. But they didn’t have Jo-Jo the Hamster! Continue reading “Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983)”
Cobra Mission 2 (1988)
If you’re familiar with the original Cobra Mission, a movie titled Cobra Mission 2 might just trick you into thinking it had something to do with that classic tale of a POW rescue mission gone horribly wrong. Unfortunately, Cobra Mission 2 spins the mostly unsatisfying yarn about Roger, the best there is at whatever it is he does. (Mainly throwing knives into people and sporting poofy hair that never wilts in the middle of a Latin American coup. In short, the usual.) Continue reading “Cobra Mission 2 (1988)”
Cobra Mission (1986)
This time all our boys come home! No, really – this time we mean it! Four guys get the idea to head back to the Nam while sitting in a bar listening to a news report about a POW who escaped to freedom. Once the expected bar fight between one of our crazed Vietnam vets and the local loudmouths concludes, they hit the road in search of some information about the POWs who are still back in-country, but what they find is a variety of Italian cinema celebrities! Continue reading “Cobra Mission (1986)”