Category: Martial Arts

Rage (1995)

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Rage DVD CoverExceeding expectations. That’s where success lies in life. I know this is true because it applies to sports and a concept that you can successfully apply to sports is one in which I have blind faith.

As an example, every week before a big football game, I have to hear the coach of my favorite team talk about how awesome the next opponent is. The guys they’re going up against are a combination Babe Ruth, Red Grange, Teddy Roosevelt, Dracula, and Zeus. Never mind this team finished 0-11 last year and is called North Dingleberry A&T Tech. Continue reading “Rage (1995)” →

Riot (1996)

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RiotCoverLike Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Gary Daniels (Pocket Ninjas, Firepower) is a former kickboxing champion who has parlayed his titles into a film career starring in action movies no normal person has ever heard of.

And like Olivier Gruner (another ex-kickboxing champ featured in a series of movies invisible to the mainstream), Gary possesses that bland, inoffensive charm that convinces you he’s a decent sort of guy who kicks ass only because he’s forced to.

I mean, Gary only destroys an entire softball team after they say that he and buddy Sugar Ray Leonard are gay for each other! So parents can feel good about the positive message this film teaches about tolerance: don’t call tough guys queers! Because they won’t tolerate it! Continue reading “Riot (1996)” →

The Human Shield (1991)

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I think I must be suffering from Gulf War Syndrome. Chronic fatigue? Yep. Muscle pain? That’s a roger on that, too. Jock itch? I’m typing with one hand, aren’t I? The weird thing though is that I didn’t catch it digging Charlie or whomever out of their grody spider holes. Nope, I picked me up dose of GWS from Michael Dudikoff’s virulently bad film, The Human Shield! Continue reading “The Human Shield (1991)” →

Bloodmoon (1997)

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This movie reaffirmed my faith in our kickboxing lord and savior, Gary Daniels. So much of Gary’s teachings involve showing us that if we bear the crosses he gives us (stupid plots, poorly executed scenes of guys flying through the air on wires, hideously untalented and unappealing co-stars), our reward will not be the eternal damnation that lesser action stars (Van Damme, Don “The Dragon” Wilson, and the Great Satan himself, Steven Seagal) routinely deliver like a cold, soggy pizza the driver spit, shat, and pissed on, but an everlasting peace brought about by his love of kicking and punching scumbag killers! Continue reading “Bloodmoon (1997)” →

Cyber Tracker (1994)

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It’s time for another one of those bargain basement action icon team ups that can occasionally nudge a movie like Cyber Tracker from cyber crapper status all the way up to cyber clunker status!

Much like the Jeff Speakman flick Scorpio One which had the Perfect Weapon take on Brent Huff of Strike Commando 2 fame, Cyber Tracker creams the undiscerning action audience’s jeans with the mouth watering showdown between Don “The Dragon” Wilson and Richard “The Kick Fighter With A Mullet” Norton. Continue reading “Cyber Tracker (1994)” →

Deadly Outbreak (1995)

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stopped on the street by total strangers and told “Deadly Outbreak is just Die Hard in a chemical plant.” I suppose they’re just trying to be cute, but I’ve never been one to maintain a polite silence in social situations so I always fire back with both barrels. “Die Hard is just Deadly Outbreak in a skyscraper,” I respond and then bring it all home by adding, “but without Jeff Speakman!” Then I go all Kenpo over their ass just like Jeff would do! Continue reading “Deadly Outbreak (1995)” →

Ironheart (1992)

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One can forgive director Robert Clouse if he went into Ironheart thinking that it was going to be anything other than a wormy turd the size of one of star Bolo Yeung’s pecs. Clouse had previously made a kung fu movie starring a guy named Lee which some have called the greatest of all time. The movie was Enter The Dragon and that particular Lee was of course Bruce. This time around Lee’s first name is Britton. As in not-so-great Britton. Continue reading “Ironheart (1992)” →