I understand that if you’re the last man on earth and your survival necessitates that you make a feature film for some reason that you’re going to have do all of it – writing, editing, producing, working the casting couch and all the rest of the drudgery associated with making a cheap sci-fi movie, no matter whether you are actually talented enough to do it well.
But as far as I know, back in 1982, there was no apocalypse that would force a guy to write, direct and produce a movie about his post-apocalyptic life whose chief attribute was its nonstop use of annoying background music that made me think I was watching a glorified silent movie. A silent movie with mutants and Sid Haig as a sadistic thug to be sure, but it wasn’t like they were the stars. Continue reading “The Aftermath (1982)”
Def-Con 4 is a cautionary tale, sending a message that we would all do well to heed. And that message is that all you hot high school chicks who break up with their controlling douche bag boyfriends better think twice because the little prick could end up being the psychopathic warlord who runs the dirty survivor’s settlement that’s the last bastion of what passes for civilization after our world has been nuked into oblivion in World War III! Continue reading “Def-Con 4 (1985)”
Hundreds of years from now Earth has been devastated by an atomic war! Mutant cavemen roam the planet’s surface at will, enslaving the survivors still living in the open, while technologically advanced humans cower underground!
Even worse, a gang of toughs appear, call out the underground dwellers for being the pussies they are, steal their surprisingly sexy broads, and force the pansy men to build weapons for them! Then these toughs take their keg party up top and blast the piss out of the cavemen before the head bad boy kills the leader of the cavemen, thus cementing his position as King Bad Ass! Continue reading “World Without End (1956)”
It’s the last day of 1899 and George Wells is demonstrating his miniature time machine. George squanders the opportunity to send one of his obnoxious friends back into the Stone Age and instead transports a cigar into some other era. Still, that sounds like an awesome movie, too – The Stogie From Beyond Time! Continue reading “The Time Machine (1960)”
Dear Diary: Woke up, went out to the woods to shoot my horror movie, and got caught up in a zombie invasion. Considering what a bunch of unsupportive jerks my “friends” were during the filming of my own movie, I can’t say that I’m terribly upset that they keep getting picked off one by one as we drive a beat up RV to various Canadian locales disguised as Pennsylvania. Continue reading “Diary of the Dead (2007)”
This is another one of those “stinky Americans destroyed Earth with their hubris” movies. Well, excuuuuuse us! Can we help it if our super secret defense programs sometimes interfere with the very fabric of the universe? You certainly can’t think that we would have foreseen that trying to draw energy to refuel our planes from some grid that encircles the planet would have resulted in everyone but three ugly New Zealanders vanishing! Continue reading “The Quiet Earth (1985)”
Based on Dardano Saccehetti’s seemingly endless output (he wrote three other films in 1983!), it is understandable if you thought you’ve already seen five or six other movies exactly like this one. Indeed, it is hard to argue that Exterminators of the Year 3000 doesn’t owe its existence to Mad Max by way of Enzo Castellari‘s The New Barbarians. But they didn’t have Jo-Jo the Hamster! Continue reading “Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983)”