The dopey 1970s science fiction premise: overpopulation has made most of the Earth an uninhabitable pile of garbage. People are relegated to large, smog-filled totalitarian cities where they need to wear gas masks when out in public and listen as government propaganda-spewing drones hover above them. In an effort to combat the effects that dwindling resources are having, all the countries in the world have implemented a policy of zero population growth and forbidden anyone for having children for the next thirty years.
But big government knows the little woman at home really wants a baby of her own to play with (and let’s be honest – men just want sex and football so that aren’t too worked up by all this) so they create dolls to substitute for real kids! Just head down to the Baby Store (sorry – no infants currently in stock) and you can get a doll that will talk (like a cheap doll), suffer from minor childhood illnesses and even push a stroller a few feet! Continue reading “Z.P.G. (1972)”
It was while watching Flight from Paradise, an obscure Italian post-apocalyptic film mostly about not much of anything, that I finally realized what it was that Logan’s Run had been missing. Camels! Sure, it had Farah Fawcett-Majors, cool models, ice cavern, large robot, Sandmen, Carousel and a ruined Washington D.C. and Flight from Paradise had none of them, but it did have several dopes cruising around on dromedaries! Continue reading “Flight from Paradise (1990)”
You can be forgiven if you forgot that World War III happened back in 1998 like Creepozoids depicts with all the conviction of a movie made for a few thousand dollars inside a single building with six people, including scream queen Linnea Quigley, guys who spend most of the film shrieking like women (Quigley must have been wondering if they were trying to steal her gimmick) and a sometimes porn star can muster. Continue reading “Creepozoids (1987)”
The solitary thing that straight-to-video brainfreeze Battle Queen 2020 is able to accomplish in one of the longest 79 minutes you will ever spend is to communicate to the audience that the end of the world will be horrible beyond all imagining. So many post-apocalypse movies glamorize the destruction of civilization with spectacular effects, suspense, plot twists, characters you root for, and all manner of mutants, cannibals, bikers, and regular old monsters. Battle Queen 2020 opts for a much more horrifying combination of primitive special effects, softcore porn, and hardcore boredom. Continue reading “Battle Queen 2020 (2001)”
Jeff Wincott sniffs rabbit turds in this movie. To make matters even worse, it’s the sort of movie where we aren’t sure whether the rabbit turds are even real!
The great rabbit turd conundrum is really the least obnoxiously obtuse thing about the whole affair though as the film barely takes time out from its strictly amateurishly disjointed presentation peppered with references to Alice in Wonderland, over the top moments like Wincott fighting his wife with a toilet plunger, Maria Ford scrunching her face into shrewish expressions while shrieking at Wincott, and the seemingly random insertion of scenes from an entirely different movie to ever get around to explaining just what in the hell was going on with the embryos Wincott was trying to save the world with while his wife (Ford) was trying to kill him and steal them for the evil general. Continue reading “Future Fear (1997)”
I’m not one of those 2-D snobs when it comes to my animation. I realize that there is a contingent of folks out there that bemoan the disappearance of the traditionally drawn “flat” animation and bitterly complain about how cartoons have lost something with the advent of computer generated images. Like anything else though, the old style animation was just as capable as producing crap as any art form. If you don’t believe me, then you never sat through Saturday morning cartoons during the 1980s. (With the exception of Thundarr the Barbarian of course.) Continue reading “A.Li.Ce (1999)”
Meteor strike, nuclear war, zombie outbreak. All ways our world could end horribly where the dead are the lucky ones (as the various movie posters would undoubtedly exclaim). But there is another apocalypse we should add to the list. To the top of the list that is. Big budget foreign end of the world movie riddled with actors familiar from mainstream domestic film and TV cashing easy paychecks. Continue reading “Virus (1980)”