Category: Science Fiction

Scorpio One (1998)

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ScorpioOneCoverJeff Speakman (The Perfect Weapon, Running Red) plays Jared Stone, the leader of a team of Army Rangers flying on the Space Shuttle up to the Scorpio One space station. But there’s a rotten apple or four among all the people on the Shuttle (there’s as many bad guys as good guys on the flight!) and it isn’t long before dudes are having their helmets unsealed accidentally, depressurized in an air lock accidentally, or cutting Stone’s air hose accidentally. Hey, these space flights are a risky business! I’ve seen that Apollo 13 movie, so I know!

When the bad guys finally reveal their hand and you realize who their leader is, you’ll have no choice but to watch the rest of the movie about a foot away from your TV while standing! Because facing off against low-budget American action film legend Jeff Speakman is low budget Italian action film legend Brent Huff! Continue reading “Scorpio One (1998)” →

I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1958)

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How does an alien invasion begin, you ask? At a bachelor party, of course! Our hero (though once he gets taken over by some aliens with a funny looking face, he becomes our villain) is named Bill Farrell and he’s getting married to Marge in the morning, so he and his crew are tearing up the town one last time before he takes his solemn vows and enters a life of involuntary celibacy. (You married guys know what I’m talking about.)

Since this is 1958 and happens in the very small town of Norrisville, a rip snorting good time does not involve going out to a local Indian riverboat casino and gambling away the honeymoon money. Nope, Bill and the rest of Norrisville’s biggest partiers are sitting around a table in a bar, slumped over, greasy hair slightly mussed in that faux-wasted pose these movies are prone to use. Continue reading “I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1958)” →

Moon Pilot (1962)

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Did you know that the United States manned space program began at a diner party when a chimpanzee stabbed an Air Force captain in the ass with a fork? I always had my suspicions, but the important thing to remember about this bizarre event is that it is the last interesting thing that happens in Moon Pilot and it comes about fifteen minutes into what feels like a mission-to-Mars-length 98 minute running time.

This is a relatively early live action film from the Walt Disney Company and it’s notable for how little drama – real, imagined, or even forced, it contains. I’m still not sure how it managed to accomplish this since the movie involved a chimp, a reluctant astronaut (Tom Tryon), a sexy alien chick, and a gruff Brian Keith. Continue reading “Moon Pilot (1962)” →

The Martian Chronicles (1980)

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What was NBC thinking? A three part science fiction miniseries that didn’t feature space battles and evil aliens? That instead focused on Rock Hudson and Bernie Casey debating the philosophical implications of colonizing Mars? And ended up making the case against our exporting our culture everywhere we went? And more shockingly, featured The Night Stalker‘s Darren McGavin in a cowboy outfit and a silly wavy-haired wig?

Nowadays, something like that would be relegated to some place where only loser nerds would see it, like the Sci-Fi Channel and would star someone like David Keith or Brad Johnson, no doubt supported by tons of ugly CGI. But back in 1980, any old lady in Gary, Indiana could have turned on the TV and her their big screen idol Rock asking for advice on how to live his life from a Martian! Continue reading “The Martian Chronicles (1980)” →

Mars (1997)

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This movie came maddeningly close to being a can’t miss entry in the whole “kickboxer busts up corrupt outer space mining colony” genre of films.

Olivier Gruner plays an emotionless mining cop who somehow gets almost emotionally involved in investigating his brother’s death. More importantly, he sports a pretty bad haircut (but not nearly as bad as the one in Savage) and throws his badge down on the ground after he finishes getting all sorts of vengeance on pretty much the entire population of Mars.

The mining company is up on Mars to mine Silex which is some kind of something that’s a really great source of fuel for all us greedy Earthlings. Like all miracle discoveries in science fiction though, Silex turns out to be decidedly un-miraclous. Continue reading “Mars (1997)” →

Nautilus (2000)

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“He’s young, crazy as a shithouse rat and likes to play with bombs.” Again demonstrating that he’s the best at whatever it is he does, Australian kickboxing movie icon Richard Norton single-handedly tries to save the past, the present, the future, and most importantly of all, the movie from total cataclysmic collapse! Sometimes he does it by kicking punks in the head, sometimes by shooting them, and sometimes by giving us colorful dialogue you just don’t find in nearly enough movies.

Shithouse rats aside, Nautilus is pretty much a floater even by the relative non-standards of the time-traveling submarine movie genre. You can’t help but compare Nautilus unfavorably to the granddaddy of all submarine time machine movies, Beneath the Bermuda Triangle. Continue reading “Nautilus (2000)” →

Shadow Warriors (1995)

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ShadowWarriorsCoverIt’s a cybernetic explosion that threatens to tear the city of Kiev apart! If the streets don’t exactly run red with blood, they almost certainly find themselves awash with the grease that’s positively dripping from the stringy mane sported by good cyborg Evan Lurie. His slimy pony tail was last spotted in the Don The Dragon Wilson India-based thriller Operation Cobra and though he doesn’t suffer near the glorious fate he did in that film (bitten on his head by a snake), it’s a much more moving death scene.

After a lengthy pursuit of his evil (I say he’s evil because he’s a Big Russian named Mikail, but he’s actually the most sympathetic character in the movie) cyborg counterpart, Evan finally confronts his and his cybernetic brother’s fate! They exist in a world where there is no place for them! It’s time to die for good! Their resurrected forms are an unholy insult to all that is holy about being alive and stuff like that! Continue reading “Shadow Warriors (1995)” →