The Perfect Weapon? The Perfect Speakman is more like it! This first film in the Jeff Speakman mythos (Street Knight is next) details his secret origin as Kenpo bad ass supreme and never lets up until Snap’s “I’ve Got The Power” plays as Jeff returns to Master Lo’s Kenpo Dojo to meet up with his lady, Jennifer! Apparently there are TV versions of the movie where Jeff actually interacts with Jennifer instead of staring wistfully at her from across the street earlier on in the story, but the TV versions are clearly for pussies!
With only 85 minutes to play with, this lightning quick kung fu chop to the nads of a movie had to make the choice to detail Jeff’s secret pole vaulting powers or the romance with Jenny. And just how is karate kicking his way into Jenny’s pants going to get him up and over the razor wire fence down at the docks during his quest for vengeance? Exactly.
The Perfect Speakman begins by showing us mild-mannered Jeff working on a construction site. Later at home we watch as a shirtless and gloriously bronzed Jeff is going through some pretty serious Kenpo training.
Through all the kicks, hand gestures and leaping around, what would become his theme song, the aforementioned “I’ve Got The Power” is blaring. His neighbors must have been so jacked whenever they saw Jeff coming home from work!
A quick call to his mentor, Kim, sets things in motion as he hears Kim being threatened by some Korean thugs over the phone.
Jeff heads off to the big city to get to the bottom of things, but it’s a long trip in his rad red Mustang, so Jeff can’t help but flashback to his days in Smallville when he was only beginning to understand that with great Kenpo superpowers comes great responsibility!
You see, Jeff is still tortured by the death of Ma Kent back when he was ten and his police officer dad never could figure out how to get Jeff to control his anger. Dad’s old war buddy Kim suggests that some schooling at Master Lo’s House of Kenpo is just what Jeff needs to harness his rage. Or at least to make his rage that much more deadly!
The years pass and Jeff learns the ways of Kenpo, acquires a whole bunch of colored belts, exchanges meaningful looks with Jenny and becomes the best there is!
Meanwhile, back in the present, Jeff happens to drive by his old high school which prompts another flashback to Kenpo Action Comics #1 where Jeff is practicing his pole vaulting while his younger brother Adam is watching.
A football player repeatedly taunts Jeff for his pole vaulting, obviously not understanding how much it would come in handy years later when he’s trying to take down the toughest boss in all of Koreatown!
Jeff restrains himself from confronting this guy until the football player smacks his little brother! In a moment, all of Jeff’s training leaves him and he lashes out with everything he has, kicking this dumb linebacker multiple times until he actually kicks the guy’s facemask clean off his frigging helmet!
The football player almost dies and Jeff’s dad kicks him out of the house and tells him to stay away from his little brother because he doesn’t want his little brother emulating a pole vaulting killing machine!
Because Jeff momentarily forgot that he must never lose control of his mutant Kenpo abilities and use them out of anger against mere humans, he is cast out from everything he knows and loves! It was obviously a pretty long drive from Jeff’s apartment to Kim’s place in Koreatown.
Kim runs a shop selling vases and other stuff that breaks really good during a kung fu fight. When Jeff rolls up in the Speakmanmobile, he’s just in time to save Kim for a bunch of thugs trying to force some protection on him! In only moments, Jeff saves Kim and his livelihood by totally destroying everyone and everything in the store!
Later, Jeff hits the streets to take one of those walks guys haunted by their past of being more powerful than any living thing on Earth, but still estranged from their dads, are always taking.
Naturally, this is when former WWF tag team champion Toru Tanaka chooses to strike! Kim is murdered in his bed by this mountain of evil and when Jeff returns to Kim’s he knows that despite all his superpowers he could not save the one who meant the most to him! But at least he’ll be able to use those superpowers to punish those responsible with something approaching the wrath of God himself!
The remainder of the film sees Jeff tear Koreatown a new one as he seeks the identity of Kim’s killer. And like any good hero, he acquires some pals along the way to help him out.
His brother Adam has now grown up and become a cop and Jeff reluctantly works with him to get justice for Kim. And by working with him, I mean lying to him and basically putting him in a position to almost get killed by Tanaka.
Jeff also reluctantly signs up a teen sidekick who gets him vital information as to the goings on in Koreatown. Jeff tries his best to be as good a mentor to the kid as Kim was to him by complaining about the kid’s excessive swearing.
But don’t fear true believer! That patented Speakman action we’re all addicted to is present throughout the film including some super sweet stick fighting!
Speakman takes on three expert martial artists to get information. He beats up four thugs at once because he’s still grieving over Kim’s death. His battle with Tanaka involves chains, a belt with a knife for a buckle, and a fiery conclusion! There’s even a car chase that has Tanaka throwing a car off the top of his wrecked limousine!
Throw in some valuable life lessons/kung fu mumbo jumbo about how even though you may be a tiger, you must become a dragon to be a real man and The Perfect Weapon is the perfect launching pad for all the Speakman adventures that would follow!
© 2013 MonsterHunter