Like Jane and the Lost City, this is another bottom of the barrel Indiana Jones rip-off based on a comic-strip featuring a heroine who gets into all kinds of outlandish and semi-nude situations. And while Jane and her PG rating never even tried to get naughty, Gwendoline actually attempts to deliver the dirty goods! And of course fails woefully. Continue reading “The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)”
Category: Sleaze
The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)
Who was that masked man with the hairy lower back? That would be Don Diego de Vega, otherwise known as Zorro and I think that after seeing this movie, if Zorro was a real person, he would never reveal his secret identity more out of sheer embarrassment than out of any need to protect himself.
Producer David F. Friedman has previously tormented us with his yucky sex comedies in such varied vehicles of vulgarity as The Head Mistress, The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill, and Trader Hornee.
In all of the films, low production values and lame humor share the stage with actors who seem almost relieved when it comes time for them to lose their clothes, roll around with one of their ugly co-stars and stop having to remember their lines. The Erotic Adventures Of Zorro, at 102 minutes, takes advantage of this format to its fullest and manages to showcase several lethargic bumping and grinding scenes to no good effect. Continue reading “The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)”
Hell of the Living Dead (1980)
The usual take on this film is that the story rips off Dawn Of The Dead, the music is ripped off from Dawn Of The Dead, Beyond The Darkness, and whatever other scores Goblin did for different Italian gore movies, and that the result is one of the most bottom of the barrel zombie movies of all time. To which I say,”thank God!” Continue reading “Hell of the Living Dead (1980)”
2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)
How did I know the post-apocalypse portrayed in this movie was really, really post-apocalyptic? It wasn’t all the raping or the killing or even the leather-clad freaks on dirt bikes. That sort of stuff happens in every run-of-the-mill Mad Max rip-off scenario.
And all the ugly people fighting it out at cheap locations such as a refinery and rock quarries? That just means you woke up in either a Filipino or Italian-lensed no-budget trashageddon.
What really drove home the point that this was some serious apocalypse happening here? The characters’ names. Continue reading “2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)”
The Betsy (1978)
I’m going to go out on a limb here and hazard a guess that Sir Laurence Olivier didn’t receive his knighthood for his scene in this movie where he got all turned on by watching his daughter-in-law nursing his grandson and ended up bedding her down at the conclusion of a ten o’clock feeding that left the audience sick to its stomach.
Whether this is the single worst scene of this movie is open to debate since the movie is strewn with them, but it has to be the most memorably tacky of them.
Sir Larry wouldn’t be the only guy to trade on his reputation as a film legend to pick up movie welfare later in life (paging Sir Richard Burton!), but surely there was some other big budget flop being made in the late 1970s that didn’t involve him attempting to play both an old coot and his younger self in flashback. Watching him with his absurdly dyed hair as we traveled down mammary lane with him to the 1930s only made us wish that we could go back to 1975 where a pasty-faced up and comer named Tommy Lee Jones took center stage. Continue reading “The Betsy (1978)”
Empire of Ash III (1989)
Empire Of Ash III (or as the clumsily inserted title claimed on the VHS version I saw, Last Of The Warriors) isn’t just your standard post apocalyptic desert wasteland picture. And that’s probably because it takes place in the woods of New Idaho!
If watching nameless goofs dressed in leather and driving beat up cars and battletrucks while shooting each other across rocky terrain is your thing, you needn’t worry though. There’s still plenty of rocks up in New Idaho that need blowing up! The rest of the movie similarly takes vaguely familiar elements of these sorts of movies and goes its own special direction with them.
Take the whole “breeding a new race” angle you get in some of these flicks. There’s always a dirty bird trying to force hot, fertile chicks to get preggers in an effort to begin the world again. You’ll recognize these scenes because these guys are always making grand pronouncements about how some babe has been specially selected to receive his seed. Ugh. Is there a radioactive cactus I can screw instead? Continue reading “Empire of Ash III (1989)”
A Scream in the Streets (1973)
I realize that many of you are hoping against all hope that I’ll tell you that this is worth your time and money. You have fond memories of Starsky and Hutch, S.W.A.T., The Rookies and all those other old copper shows with big cars, kicking music and guys that spit Miranda Warnings out like they were hairballs and all you want is a sleazy take on that genre. Well, let me you leave without any doubt in one department – this one is plenty sleazy. For a softcore porn movie that is. Ugh. Continue reading “A Scream in the Streets (1973)”