Jules Verne plus Walt Disney equals really bad special effects and a disjointedly confusing story. Most of the blame surely rests with Disney since I doubt very much that Verne’s novel included an aged and slumming Maurice Chevalier sitting on a fake horse and singing about climbing mountains. Continue reading “In Search of the Castaways (1962)”
Opera (1987)
All the good moments in this one belong to a bunch of noisy birds. And the birds, with their ear-rending squawking, are some of the most obnoxious members of the cast!
If their constant cacophony doesn’t completely put you off of this giallo from Dario Argento, the nauseatingly swirling camera shots he uses to show the birds’ point of view surely will. And if you can somehow manage to stomach all of that, there’s still the fact that this thing revolves around people screeching at the top of their lungs at an opera to run off whatever audience still remains. Continue reading “Opera (1987)”
Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953)
The least believable thing in this movie is that Scotland Yard would ever hire Abbott and Costello to be bobbies in some kind of pilot program testing out how well Americans do in British law enforcement. I’m not sure what the point of this program was or even how Bud and Lou (Slim and Tubby respectively) got selected for this gig, but this dopey project is just the excuse we need to get our boys overseas so that they can mix it up with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Continue reading “Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953)”
Teenage Gang Debs (1966)
Small time tale about a small time hood manipulated by his girlfriend (or “deb” in the movie’s parlance) who has dreams of achieving the big time in 1960s New York City gang culture.
Terry has just moved with her two square folks from Manhattan to whatever scurve part of the east coast it is where guys in leather jackets carry switch blades, hang out in restaurants, and gossip endlessly about what group of goofs rumbled with what other group of goofs the Saturday night before.
Back in Manhattan, Terry was the deb of the leader of the Golden Falcons, but then her parents had to move so now she’s looking to join the Rebels. Just how cool are you if you to have switch gangs like changing schools every time your parents move? And why aren’t you living with the leader of the Golden Falcons anyway? You are his deb, aren’t you Terry? Continue reading “Teenage Gang Debs (1966)”
Cop Target (1990)
The single greatest movie character ever invented? The cop on the edge! He’s the guy who plays by his own rules, is often times on suspension, and frequently gets cussed out by his superior for “violating” some obscure “right” that’s been conferred on the criminal scum of this nation by a liberal activist judge. We know their names like our family’s names. Dirty Harry, John McClane, Mel Gibson, those two black guys in the Bad Boys movies, and Farley Wood. Continue reading “Cop Target (1990)”
Target Earth (1954)
For its first fifteen or twenty minutes, Target Earth plays like an episode of The Twilight Zone as two people wander around a deserted city wondering why everyone has left. Unfortunately, for its remaining hour or so, Target Earth plays like a really bad, low budget sci-fi movie called Target Earth. Continue reading “Target Earth (1954)”
Journey to the Far Side of the Sun (1969)
The future will be one of loud shirts, go go boots, and swinging bachelor pads that look like they were left over from an Italian sex comedy. At least that’s what I got out of this movie. I know, it sounds like Utopia to me, too! Continue reading “Journey to the Far Side of the Sun (1969)”