The Silencer (2000)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

The Silencer DVD CoverIt was when Michael Dudikoff‘s hitman with a heart of gold character broke out the model buildings and trees, announced it was Dealey Plaza and started droning on about the difference between a meat shot and a head shot, that I knew we were in the presence of probably the greatest assassin teacher in the world.

By the time he got done handing out the binder to his apprentice detailing all the ways to kill someone, the on the job training that saw him using paintballs to try and teach the undercover FBI agent to be a decent sniper and the two rules he lived by (target should never suffer, don’t kill innocent bystanders), I felt like I was ready to go out and start whacking marks myself. Continue reading “The Silencer (2000)” →

Destroy All Monsters (1968)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, it’s the old “alien invaders taking over monsters” gimmick again. Yes, we’ve seen it before in this very film series and it always seems to be a bit strained in the logic department. If these aliens were such smarty-pants nerds, couldn’t they figure out a way to take over our world without having to rely on big, smelly, dumb monsters? You would also think that word would get out in the far reaches of space that earth is more trouble than it’s worth, but most aliens are slow learners, I guess. Continue reading “Destroy All Monsters (1968)” →

The House of Clocks (1989)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

This is the film that Lucio Fulci did along with The Sweet House Of Horrors for the “Doomed Houses” series of TV movies in Italy that also consisted of House of Lost Souls and House of Witchcraft from Umberto Lenzi. The House of Clocks is less painful to sit through the The Sweet House of Horrors, but that doesn’t alter the fact that The House of Clocks is typical of late period Fulci TV fare where production values, acting, and story all compete to see which is the shoddiest. And guess what? They’re all winners! Continue reading “The House of Clocks (1989)” →

Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

By 1955 Abbott and Costello had met just about every monster Universal had to offer. The only one that had escaped their withering satire was the Mummy. Of course by the end of the Kharis films in 1944, many probably already believed that the Mummy was a joke. No matter though as Universal cranked out one last gasp in the Abbott and Costello meet the Monster of the Week oeuvre. This one looked chintzy and the gags were more rickety than ever, though the film was not without its amusing moments (almost exclusively provided by Costello). Continue reading “Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)” →

Ironheart (1992)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

One can forgive director Robert Clouse if he went into Ironheart thinking that it was going to be anything other than a wormy turd the size of one of star Bolo Yeung’s pecs. Clouse had previously made a kung fu movie starring a guy named Lee which some have called the greatest of all time. The movie was Enter The Dragon and that particular Lee was of course Bruce. This time around Lee’s first name is Britton. As in not-so-great Britton. Continue reading “Ironheart (1992)” →

I’ll Cry Tomorrow (1955)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

So was this movie supposed to give me a drinking problem or something? As I watched Susan Hayward pretending to have a seizure that practically screamed “I liked to thank the Academy and also Lillian Roth for having such a crappy life” I was thinking about how much more entertaining this would all be if I was as wasted as the main character was throughout the film. Continue reading “I’ll Cry Tomorrow (1955)” →