I’ve read a good portion of H.P. Lovecraft’s writing in my time and for the most part, I’ve found it enjoyable, in spite of the often times purple prose. Once upon a time I even read The Dunwich Horror story that this movie is based on. I don’t recall all the details of the story, but I’m confident that as I was reading it I never thought “this would make a great movie with Dean Stockwell and Sandra Dee!” Continue reading “The Dunwich Horror (1970)”
Code of Honor (2016)
With Code of Honor, it’s clear that we’ve entered a new era of interchangeably low rent Steven Seagal action films – the era of sniper bifocals. Recent Seagal films such as A Good Man and Absolution have seen the rotund rageaholic sporting eyeglasses, presumably because they are necessary to ensure the perfect head shot at whatever scumbag from a no name Eastern European he’s feuding with. Of course paired with hair that looks like it was either spray painted on or was a wig from an after Halloween clearance sale and the silly “special forces in Afghanistan” scarf, it just looks like your bloated up grandpa made the ill advised decision that he was going to the paintball range in full costume. Continue reading “Code of Honor (2016)”
Beyond the Darkness (1979)
In Beyond the Darkness, Frank is a young dude with feathered hair who drives around in his red serial killer van while the familiar sounds of Goblin pump out on his bitching speaker rack as he heads off to pick up that baboon he ordered a few weeks before. Unfortunately this baboon doesn’t really play much more of a part in this film and is mainly used to introduce us to Frank’s hobby, taxidermy. Continue reading “Beyond the Darkness (1979)”
Hold Back the Dawn (1941)
It’s the age old story of an international playboy who uses a lonely small town school teacher to get himself into the United States so that he and his old dance partner can reunite and take the country (and rich American broads) by storm. Obviously, this film was made before we had a Department of Homeland Security that was specifically designed to prevent these sorts of terror attacks on the hearts of desperate women. Continue reading “Hold Back the Dawn (1941)”
Father Goose (1964)
Cary Grant’s second-to-last movie role has him playing a boozy, broken down, self-centered guy who plans to sit out World War II until he gets hornswaggled into being a spotter on a remote island by the crafty Trevor Howard. Those of us who’ve been with Cary for his thirty year career remember him from a variety of great roles in great movies, but most of them involve him being dressed nicely, clean shaven, and with his hair perfectly combed. Father Goose though sees him attempting to stretch his acting chops by look really grubby. Continue reading “Father Goose (1964)”
Agent 3S3: Passport to Hell (1965)
Secret agents get a bad rap most of the time. The nature of their business requires them to engage in all manner of morally questionable conduct. From the good old fashioned lies they have to tell even their loved ones to the random women they have to bed to maintain their cover as an international playboy to the nonstop murders they must commit in order to bring down whatever colorful evil mastermind is threatening American hegemony that week, it’s easy to lump them in with other terrible people such as bankers, politicians and soccer fans.
So when one of them demonstrates the humanity of a Ghandi or Dali Lama we should salute them. So I tip my cap to you Agent 3S3 for confirming that the woman you were assigned to screw information out of was not underage! Continue reading “Agent 3S3: Passport to Hell (1965)”
Against the Dark (2009)
As R.E.M. might have sung if they were actually cool, it’s the end of the world as we know it, and Steven Seagal feels fine! And if it was a disappointment that big Steve didn’t take the opportunity to sing such a song for the movie’s soundtrack as he’s done in past efforts (most notably the haunting for all the wrong reasons end credit song for Into the Sun), all of us Seagal-loving doomsday preppers can take solace that Steve’s sword and shotgun feel fine as well. As does his trusty 3XL size leather trench coat! Continue reading “Against the Dark (2009)”