A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973)

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A Virgin Among the Living Dead Blu Ray CoverThis dreamlike (or haphazardly incompetent depending on how low your tolerance for 1970s Eurotrash is) tale of a naive gal from the city falling in with her deranged relatives at their country estate does a nice job showing how much of our perceptions about people are shaped by the culture we are raised in.

For instance, in America when you hear a gal is a virgin, you can take it to the bank that she has a skin condition, attends a bible college and dresses like Laura Ingalls Wilder’s conservative sister. In Europe though, their virgins are super models who have no problem carrying on conversations with total strangers while wearing only a shirt and sheer panties! Continue reading “A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973)” →

Cyborg 009: Legend of the Super Galaxy (1980)

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From the four corners of the world, eight cyborgs leave their current civilian lives, putting their dreams of being a race car driver, ballerina, and bull fighter on hold so that they might help one of their own and also to save Earth!

Once they join forces, the greatest super team of all team is back in action! Yes true believer, your suspicions are well-founded! The dream is alive and well! Finally after twenty-five years, the Galaxy Legion has reunited to combat evil, to cast light upon the dark, and to find out how 006’s career as a matador is working out! Continue reading “Cyborg 009: Legend of the Super Galaxy (1980)” →

Cry of the Banshee (1970)

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This was a great movie. When it was The Conqueror Worm.

To give Cry Of The Banshee credit where credit is due, it didn’t completely steal everything from its superior forerunner. Whereas in The Conqueror Worm, there was an Edgar Allan Poe verse read by Vincent Price at the conclusion of the film, Cry Of The Banshee had a verse by Poe up on the screen at the beginning of the movie. Continue reading “Cry of the Banshee (1970)” →

The White Pony (1999)

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White Pony DVD CoverUnlike a lot of Olivier Gruner films, The White Pony concludes with a climatic dressage competition that sees an evil teenaged girl sabotaging her cousin’s riding equipment, abusing her own horse and whacking her cousin with a riding crop. And also unlike a lot Gruner’s films, he stands around the whole movie with his thumb up his ass while his daughter treats his niece like so many road apples. Okay, to be fair, he does snicker a bit when his niece falls off her horse and lands in a horse pie, but he doesn’t get any credit for that because any of us would have done the same. Continue reading “The White Pony (1999)” →

A Very Unlucky Leprechaun (1998)

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A Very Unlucky Leprechaun DVD CoverMolly’s life is full of sad backstory that you normally only find in routine country music songs. Her mom died (a mother’s survival rate in so-called “kid friendly” leprechaun movies like this always approaches zero) and then she is forced to move to an old cursed relative’s home in Ireland because her loser dad Howard can’t seem to sell his newest “how to” book and went and lost their house. Of course, it turns out that there is a significant amount of back taxes owed on the house in Ireland which Howard also can’t afford. Maybe for his next “how to” book Howard should write about the wisdom of staying in America and just renting an apartment. Continue reading “A Very Unlucky Leprechaun (1998)” →

Messalina (1960)

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One of history’s greatest sluts is given a very tasteful treatment in Vittorio Cottafavi’s early sword and sandal epic, Messalina. Sure, Messalina is shown coming onto everything with a bulge in his mini-skirt tunic and she’s not above being pawed by a sweaty goon solely to achieve the assassination of her emperor husband.

There’s also that time a guy sneaked into her palace bedroom to kill her, but she ended up screwing him instead. Really though, anyone would agree that was purely self defense.

And just because the only guy in Rome able to put all the pieces together to finally end her reign of horny terror is obviously a homosexual doesn’t mean that some straight guy might not finally tire of succumbing to her royal hotness and eventually halt her power grab. Like maybe when she was sixty and was forced to wear an unattractive support toga. Continue reading “Messalina (1960)” →