In the desert town of San Angelo, the local geologist (Ben) meets up with Martin Cochrane, the editor of the local paper. Marty is pissing and moaning about how he doesn’t belong in the desert and that the sleepy little town of San Angelo has no need for a newspaper because nothing ever happens, though that crazy black rock Ben just brought back from the desert looks interesting, but it’s probably nothing, because nothing ever happens in this crappy little sleepy desert town! Continue reading “The Monolith Monsters (1957)”
Godzilla’s Revenge (1969)
In an age of wussy concepts perpetuated on our nation’s youth by government schools such as conflict resolution and mediation, were it made today, Godzilla’s Revenge would certainly be slapped with a warning, if not outright banned by the Surgeon General! Continue reading “Godzilla’s Revenge (1969)”
The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)
It all starts like something out of the hit TV show, TV’s Bloopers and Atomic Practical Jokes: Scott has taken his brother’s boat out for a cruise with his wife. What he doesn’t know though is that while she’s below deck to get more brew, we’ve gone ahead and detonated an atomic weapon just off the starboard side of Scott’s boat. Any minute now, Scott and his boat will float right through the mysterious haze and we bet he’ll be dumb enough to stand around gawking. Let’s see what happens! Continue reading “The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)”
Godzilla Raids Again (1955)
This is the very first sequel to Godzilla and easily takes its place in the Godzilla pantheon as a classic since it’s the first time that Anguirus gets completely humiliated by another monster. Little did we know that this film was merely the beginning of a long and vastly undistinguished career for the spiky sphincter. Continue reading “Godzilla Raids Again (1955)”
Alien 2: On Earth (1980)
This is the alien invasion movie that bowlers have been waiting for! The original Alien was a pretty good little film. It had atmosphere, cool monster, gooey special effects, and even a cyborg! But it left a lot of us keglers feeling like it was that spare we had to settle for after failing to pick up the strike in the tenth frame. Sure, you had an alien on the rampage in deep space and all, but where in the heck was all the bowling? How much more dramatic would it have been if the alien was trying to eat Ripley while she was in the middle of trying to bowl 300? Crud! I just soiled myself thinking about the tension! Continue reading “Alien 2: On Earth (1980)”
The Day of the Triffids (1963)
A meteor shower blinds everyone who looks at it! Not too wimpy as far as end of the world scenarios go, what with all those stubbed toes and barked shins. But to give you a little more bang for your meteor-apocalypse dollar, the meteor shower also created tall, ugly, lurching plants called Triffids that walk around sniffing out finger-licking good blind humans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Hasn’t this vindictive vegetation ever heard of the Americans With Disabilities Acts? Continue reading “The Day of the Triffids (1963)”
Django (1966)
Django is widely regarded as the other movie that kickstarted the entire Spaghetti Western genre. Coming out about two years after Clint Eastwood’s and Sergio Leone’s A Fistful Of Dollars, Django somehow was the one that actually caught on in a huge way in the foreign market (though it remained virtually unseen in America for years) and caused not only every Italian guy with access to a camera to make a new-style western, but also caused them to put Django’s name in every one of their titles whether it was actually about a guy named Django or not. Continue reading “Django (1966)”