Here’s what I’m going to recommend to sensitive British chap Bill, the star of this BBC miniseries: a little less time giving me lectures about how we shouldn’t have a bunch of satellites in space protecting our national security and a whole lot more killer plant fighting. Continue reading “The Day of the Triffids (1981)”
Shadow Man (2006)
Director Michael Keusch brings out the best in Steven Seagal. He got Steve to stab a bunch of folks in Attack Force and in Shadow Man he somehow convinces Steve not to rock his long black leather trenchcoat until the last third of the movie thus keeping the fanbase riveted to all the mayhem wreaked in budget-friendly Romania. Continue reading “Shadow Man (2006)”
Kick of Death (1997)
This is amateur filmmaking at its absolute worst. I realize there’s a lot of kids out there who fancy themselves filmmakers and I understand that everybody has to start somewhere. Shoot, we hear all the time about how famous filmmakers used to make stupid little movies on their super-8 cameras when they were kids. But I generally don’t have a VHS of them. Continue reading “Kick of Death (1997)”
Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972)
This movie, the twelfth of Godzilla’s career, finds him battling monsters from outer space in an effort to thwart some man-sized cockroach aliens’ plans to take over Earth. I guess one thing the big green G can say is that his job is never boring. Unfortunately, job-shadowing Godzilla in the early 1970s is a different matter. Continue reading “Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972)”
Memorial Day (1998)
Kenpo legend Jeff Speakman is of course famous for his legendary Kenpo movie The Perfect Weapon. He is not famous for other movies such as The Expert, Scorpio One or Deadly Outbreak. I think I knew what the hell Kenpo was back in the early 1990s, but I don’t have the slightest idea what it entails anymore. Probably something with sticks and lots of grunting and kicking. Continue reading “Memorial Day (1998)”
Ali Baba and the Sacred Crown (1962)
Who is the real Ali Baba? Is he just a simple woodcutter who stumbled onto the greatest find in all of ancient Arabia? Perhaps he’s just a common thief, sneaking around securing his ill-gotten gains by eavesdropping on other thieves? Or maybe he’s the guy who has to constantly be saved from the murderous thieves by the guile of his brother’s slave girl?
If you were any kind of reader, all the foregoing would certainly be possible based on the tale commonly recounted in One Thousand and One Nights. My Ali Baba though is too cool for trillion year old stories that don’t make a lick of sense. (What sort of lesson does this story teach – make sure your slave girl is some kind of Navy SEAL?) Continue reading “Ali Baba and the Sacred Crown (1962)”
Son of Godzilla (1967)
The first seven times were strictly professional! Now, the eighth time is personal! And for his family! And his island home! And it doesn’t matter if he has to battle through a blizzard or just a brat who won’t let a fella get some well-deserved shuteye! There’s no way on God’s green Earth Godzilla is going to let a couple of bugs run him out of his house and eat his only child! Continue reading “Son of Godzilla (1967)”