It probably shouldn’t come as any surprise to us that the last woman on Earth turns out to be a two-timing hussy, but who could have predicted that the last two men on Earth would end up beating each other up with fish? Truly, this is a world gone mad. Continue reading “Last Woman on Earth (1960)”
The Last Man on Earth (1964)
Scientist Robert Morgan (Vincent Price) is the last man on Earth! Does he spend his days going on kick ass shopping sprees, cruising the wastleand in a tricked out battle van and rescuing the only fertile woman left on the planet who just happened to be a lingerie model before things fell apart?
Uh, no, he’s puttering about his house sharpening wooden stakes, loading the door up with fresh garlic, and playing with his shortwave radio. Most embarassing of all, he drives a station wagon. Remember when you thought Armageddon would be super awesome? Sheesh. What a let down! Continue reading “The Last Man on Earth (1964)”
Menace on the Mountain (1970)
Menace On The Mountain (another two part Disney show from the 1970s taped together into a TV movie) is as toothless as one of the old coots that hung around town cowering before the villainous Poss Timmerlake.
The story of an ugly red headed kid (Jed) with big pouty lips who constantly whines about how his pa was last seen gutshot at some Civil War battle and that he wished he was man enough to take on this Poss dude, doesn’t generate much interest beyond the questionable thrill you get from watching Jed chase after his pet pig. Continue reading “Menace on the Mountain (1970)”
Hell’s Angels ’69 (1969)
The selling point with this biker flick is that the unkempt guys with bad attitudes are the real Hell’s Angels. How that was supposed to be a selling point eludes me since the only thing I learned about Sonny Barger and his Hell’s Angles from this movie is that they drink a lot of beer, smart off to authority figures, don’t practice much in the way of motorcycle safety, and are easily duped by outsiders. Continue reading “Hell’s Angels ’69 (1969)”
The Human Shield (1991)
I think I must be suffering from Gulf War Syndrome. Chronic fatigue? Yep. Muscle pain? That’s a roger on that, too. Jock itch? I’m typing with one hand, aren’t I? The weird thing though is that I didn’t catch it digging Charlie or whomever out of their grody spider holes. Nope, I picked me up dose of GWS from Michael Dudikoff’s virulently bad film, The Human Shield! Continue reading “The Human Shield (1991)”
Lost Horizon (1937)
I might have been able to tolerate Lost Horizon‘s uptoian feel good mumbo jumbo about how everybody is really polite to everyone else and how all the Tibetan natives were forced to learn English (say, this is paradise, isn’t it?) by some pushy Catholic priest, if it all wasn’t just so freaking boring.
Director Frank Capra let that whole “slow down the pace” ideal of his paradise seep into his filmmaking here because this one edges ever so slowly from leisurely to glacial to La Brea Tar Pit paced.
It took him the first half hour alone to establish that the plane carrying star Ronald Coleman and his supporting cast was being hijacked to paradise. (If this place is so great, why do you have to commit an act of air piracy to get people to join up?) Continue reading “Lost Horizon (1937)”
The Inglorious Bastards (1978)
The Inglorious Bastards were just like the Dirty Dozen, only half as many and twice as ass kick! Once again, it’s left to the Italians to take all that’s awesome about a particular genre of American film (in this case, the “misfits on a mission” brand of war flick), and boil it all down to about 90 minutes of relentlessly violent action while amping up the vulgar touches that we come to crave from such fare. Continue reading “The Inglorious Bastards (1978)”