Curse III: Blood Sacrifice (1991)

Curses involving goats have always haunted mankind. The most infamous is of course the one that Billy Sianis unleashed upon the Chicago Cubs when he and his billy goat were ejected from a World Series game involving the Cubs in 1945. Rightfully angered (because everyone knows farm animals are huge baseball fans), Sianis declared that the Cubs would never win again. And guess what? To date, they not only went on to lose the 1945 Series, but have never been back to the Series since!

Curse III: Blood Sacrifce smartly takes this most primordial of fears (goats ruining our sports), not so smartly eliminates the sports angle, but redeems itself by substituting a witch doctor and a machete-wielding sea monster!

The story is at once simple and utterly moronic in a way you expect from a movie involving a bizarre collection of unknown actors, a former Three’s Company actress, the future director of Ender’s Game and Wolverine Origins, and Christopher Lee.

East Africa in the 1950s! The old ways involving spooky tribal medicine men who kill kids because they aren’t good at keeping an eye on the herd are still an everyday occurrence! And everyone knows that when the kid dies, you have to sacrifice a goat to appease something or other!

But what if a white woman happens upon the scene right before the goat is to be sacrificed? And instead of just minding her own beeswax and driving on to the mall, she stops and rescues her new pet goat thus disrupting the natural order of pagan belief systems and enraging the guy with the most powerful mojo (and scariest face paint) ever!

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Oh, you know what happens. She gets hers! And so does her boyfriend, her sister’s husband, the plantation foreman and even the neighbor’s freaking dog!

Clearly this proto-PETA peabrain is at fault for all this carnage, but you also have to wonder why the big, important sacrifice was being done in broad daylight right along the main road or why the tribe didn’t just haul out another goat as soon as the white folks left.

Even more mysterious about all this though is just what in the hell Christopher Lee’s doctor character was doing in all this. Convincingly decked out in a white suit, he helped save the pregnant main character from the effects of the curse, but then appeared later on to deliver a bunch of backstory that was so pointless even our heroine (who had just survived an attack by the sea monster) had the presence of mind to repeatedly ask him what his point was.

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Like most vengeful spirit monsters enlisted to wipe out a group of bad actors, the sea monster here somehow can be everywhere and kill everyone except our panicky and dullwitted heroine, Elizabeth.

He easily crawls out of the sea and in classic slasher movie tradition, chops up the girl who saved the goat and her boyfriend while they were fornicating in a tent by the ocean. Then he somehow knows to go to our heroine’s home where he dispatches some more people, but not Elizabeth who manages to drive away. But the monster is still in pursuit and chases her through a sugar cane field and she still gets away and even sets fire to the sugar cane field and burns that sucker up!

Sea Monster though is undeterred and in one of his greatest moments yet, he survives the fire so that he can harass Elizabeth in a shed she has stupidly gotten herself cornered in! Well Liz knows that what didn’t work before will surely work now, so it’s time for another fire!

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The monster isn’t bad looking as far as slimy sea monsters go, it’s just that we hardly get to see him. Much of the movie, only his handiwork is revealed which isn’t terribly interesting when he only kills four people and a dog. If you’re going to go through the time and effort of making a monster, show him off.

Making things even less interesting though is that there isn’t really anything to the plot except that a guy got pissed his goat sacrifice was interrupted. Lee’s character has some connection to the witch doctor and an artifact, but I was never sure if it really played any part in anything. It’s all pretty pedestrian as far as crabby witch doctor revenge flicks go with a minimum of mayhem and a maximum of grating performers and even more grating electronic tribal style music.

Curse III: Blood Sacrifice is the kind of horror movie that makes you wish you were still watching Curse II: The Bite. And that one was about a guy who had snake growing out of his arm. My advice: leave this goat of a movie alone!

© 2013 MonsterHunter

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