Billy Jack (1971)

From self-important start to self-important finish, this movie runs on all cylinders, managing to tackle every single social ill of the early 1970s that people pretended to care about.

Vietnam, women’s rights, Indian rights, environmentalism, alternative education, bigotry, and half-breed Green Berets that try to reconnect with their Indian heritage while practicing a unique mix of pacifism and whoop-ass are all represented.

Sure, you’ll cringe a bit when you hear Billy Jack talking about “checking your ego-trips” and his girlfriend Jane going on about “doing something creative that turns you on,” but most of the time you’ll sit there stunned that this movie about one man trying to come to terms with his past, his ancestors, the world that doesn’t want his kind, and the woman who can’t live without him isn’t recognized as one of the great films of the era. Continue reading “Billy Jack (1971)”

Operation Golden Phoenix (1994)

Jalal Merhi has been called the Lebanese Steven Seagal. Unfortunately, I was unsure whether this was coming from his supporters or detractors.

Though he isn’t the waddling mass of chins and jowels that modern era Steve has transformed into, Jalal certainly has my backing in his claim to be Steve’s Middle East-based successor. After all, Jalal is prone to standing around muttering lines without conviction in between even duller scenes that he’s not part of. That’s vintage Steve right there. In fact, I would say that Jalal is selling himself short in that he is also the Lebanese Jean-Claude Van Damme since I couldn’t understand half of what he was saying due to his accent. Continue reading “Operation Golden Phoenix (1994)”

Night of the Kickfighters (1988)

How cool would it be if there was a kickboxing-champ-turned-action-hero that us mere mortals could emulate? What if there was a guy taking on impossible missions to save chicks and the world that wouldn’t be a threat to our fragile masculine egos? Wouldn’t such a fellow be in for a long and successful career with his regular Joe qualities?

No. Not really. In fact, the same things about such a guy that would cause him not to threaten us normal dudes would be exactly the same things that would make us laugh uncomfortably whenever this regular kickboxing guy foolishly attempted to strut his lame stuff.

Do you really think you want to see an out of shape, balding, middle-aged loser huff and puff his way through a series of fight scenes so badly staged that a professional wrestler in his first match would cringe at their amateurishness? Continue reading “Night of the Kickfighters (1988)”

No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers (1990)

No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers manages to sound like a tough bruising epic where a couple of guys are going to kick ass back to back against all comers! And this time, unlike in the first two NRNS films, they really, really mean it! And since I had never seen the first two and since this film never referenced the first two, I just had to believe that that’s what I was seeing on screen! For me it was basically, No Retreat, No Surrender: Blood Brothers! Notice how much better the movie got when you just ditched the 3?

And after a healthy dose of the Blood Brothers in action, I don’t even need to see the first two movies! Continue reading “No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers (1990)”

Avenging Force (1986)

There are powerful men intent on perverting all the United States holds dear! Powerful men who would stop at nothing to achieve their own deranged agenda! And it’s not just Democrats either! There is also the Pentangle!

If you’re like me, when you weren’t wiping wuss-sweat off of your brow from the sheer terror you felt when you heard about the Pentangle you were also rushing to your dictionary to see exactly what the Pentangle meant.

Thankfully though, you won’t be forced to hit pause and break the action spell that Avenging Force deftly weaves for every single one of its 105 minutes because a character helpfully explains that the Pentangle is a five pointed star. Each point represents one of the five secret leaders of the Pentangle!

And the Avenging Force? That’s one guy. Name of Dudikoff. Ex-Secret Service. Best there ever was. G-6 rating. Quit the Service after his parents were killed by a terrorist bomb. Raising his little sister on his ranch. Just a cowpoke roping calves, driving pick ups, and rocking the biggest assed belt buckles west of the Pecos. Until the Pentangle comes a calling. Continue reading “Avenging Force (1986)”

Not Another Mistake (1988)

This time all our boys come home! No, really! Even if they got leprosy! Eww! Ickiest POW rescue mission ever! But that makes it even more personal for Straker (Richard Norton) who goes back to the biggest leper colony of them all, Southeast Asia, to bust out all the guys from his crew that never made it back to the States with him when the Vietnam War ended! Why is it more personal? Um, because they’re all freaking lepers! That’s pretty heinous, even by the usual abominably inhumane standards of Charlie!

A lot of you wuss civilians out there would probably look upon a “no chance in hell, government will deny all responsibility if you’re caught” mission behind enemy lines as a pain in the ass.

I’ll tell you though, when you’re living the life and all you know is the Special Forces and it’s like the war never ended for you and every guy you ever loved as a brother is just a memory, getting one of these gigs that allows you to go back to doing what you know best (killing Commies) is kind of like winning the lottery. Especially for guys like Straker! Continue reading “Not Another Mistake (1988)”

No Tomorrow (1999)

Did it really take until 1999 to make a movie where a rapper hijacked a combination flamethrower/rocket launcher from low budget action icon Frank Zagarino? Did it really take cinema 100 years or so before it was mature enough to handle a film with Zags, Gary Busey, Jeff Fahey, Pam Grier, and prolific British kickstud Gary Daniels? Some of you are surely questioning the wisdom of letting Master P direct such a classic conflagration of paycheck hungry workhorses. I would question the wisdom of NOT letting him do it!

Other than ex-special forces guys who know some off-brand kung fu, who knows the most about wanton violence and reckless cussing? Rappers! Those guys are always shooting each other, burning their houses down, stealing each other’s bling, and calling each other out in song with such a proficiency in profanity that it would make a pissed off drill sergeant envious! And for a company as bottom-line conscious as PM Entertainment, rappers are awesome because they provide their own weapons and wardrobe! Continue reading “No Tomorrow (1999)”