It was while watching Flight from Paradise, an obscure Italian post-apocalyptic film mostly about not much of anything, that I finally realized what it was that Logan’s Run had been missing. Camels! Sure, it had Farah Fawcett-Majors, cool models, ice cavern, large robot, Sandmen, Carousel and a ruined Washington D.C. and Flight from Paradise had none of them, but it did have several dopes cruising around on dromedaries! Continue reading “Flight from Paradise (1990)”
It’s all out freaking war on the Vegas Strip! No, it isn’t mined one-armed bandits dispensing death instead of coins or croupiers painting the green felt red with the blood of hapless whales! It’s much more heinous than all that!
It’s Sharon Stone in an early role as Sarah, the girlfriend/casino worker, who nonchalantly tells her boyfriend/casino owner about how she sometimes decides to turn tricks. It’s James Earl Jones humiliating himself in a Don King fright wig, frequently accusing people of not liking him because of his race, thus forcing the accused to list all the other reasons they really don’t like him. And saddest of it, it’s Rock Hudson near the end of his life (and looking every bit of it), busting his ass to convince us that his character, casino operator Neil Chaine, is somehow a decent and honorable man as well as a ruthless businessman out to destroy the former business partners who done him wrong! Continue reading “The Vegas Strip War (1984)”
While the first Rankin/Bass Easter special can easily be hailed as a surrealistic fever dream whose avalanche of eye-popping moments (Peter Cottontail dressed up as turkey, a spider flying in a rocket, a group of caterpillars wearing body paint that resembles the American flag), if they don’t exactly captivate a surely confused audience, at least give you reason to stay awake through the narcoleptic songs that litter Here Comes Peter Cottontail like so many unwelcome rabbit pellets, it is the introduction to constitutional law it gives children that really provides viewing value for do-gooder parents who demand cartoons be educational instead of fun. Continue reading “Here Comes Peter Cottontail (1971)”
The story of Easter can’t help but move you to your very soul! The love, the sacrifice, the moment of doubt and ultimately the resurrection that allows the message of hope to be spread to everyone for ever after! And though we inevitably come up wanting in trying to follow his example, his love for us never wanes! So I praise you Stuffy, the first Easter Rabbit! Continue reading “The First Easter Rabbit (1976)”
Poor Sarah Hardy had the worst funeral ever! I don’t mean the one they had for her. She was too busy faking her death to worry too much about that one. I’m talking about the one that happened 15 years earlier for her beloved father. No doubt that was a downer, but then her crazy mom had to go and ruin a perfectly good mourning buzz by causing multiple scenes! Continue reading “The Haunting of Sarah Hardy (1989)”
CIA dirtbag Hayes gets that middle of the night phone call the rest of us can only dream about. On the other end is a perturbed Steven Seagal. Steve has just gotten done murdering a dude in a parking garage that Hayes sent to kill him.
“Hayes. Listen to me you motherfucker. I know all your fucking immoral dirty rotten criminal shit and I don’t care. I got my own fish to fry.” And that’s just the opening pleasantries! By the time Steve is finished he has advised Hayes that if he keeps messing with Steve that not only will Steve kill him, but also his mother and dog! Damn Hayes, you never interrupt one of Steve’s fish fries! Dummy! Continue reading “General Commander (2019)”
Cruise Into Terror is a masterclass on the importance of a man keeping his woman satisfied in the bedroom. Ostensibly about a lost Egyptian tomb in the Gulf of Mexico (don’t ask – it was the 70s!), the film ably depicts the terrible things that can happen when a neglected woman is forced to copulate with the Antichrist’s babysitter! Continue reading “Cruise Into Terror (1978)”