Who is the worst Goodman man in the small jerkwater town of Hanford they inhabit? Is it the mayor for not wanting a serious investigation into a murder because he doesn’t want to jeopardize the new mall coming to town? Nah, if you’re getting a food court with both a Great American Cookie Company and an Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, you don’t want some long drawn out “killer on the loose” drama delaying all that deliciousness! Continue reading “Night of the Scarecrow (1995)”
Category: 1990s
Psycho Scarecrow (1996)
It’s true that after Floyd is inadvertently killed by one of his friends that he somehow returns dressed as a scarecrow and murders the lot of them with an axe, but it seems a bit harsh to label him as a “psycho” for doing what vengeance-seeking scarecrows have done in any number of other films.
Does anyone really think that he’s any more or less crazy than the resurrected preacher trying to mate with Jaimie Alexander in Hallowed Ground? Or the kid who murders Ken Shamrock after somehow being possessed by the spirit of a scarecrow he himself had earlier possessed in Scarecrow Gone Wild? When stacked up against those farm freak shows, a few axe murders seem relatively prosaic! Continue reading “Psycho Scarecrow (1996)”
The Sect (1991)
If you not only drive the hobo you almost ran over back to your house for some R&R, but also allow him to spend the night, you really have no one but yourself to blame when he sneaks into your bedroom and inserts a giant bug up your nose. Continue reading “The Sect (1991)”
Humanoids from the Deep (1996)
This remake of the original 1980 Humanoids from the Deep takes a big soggy saltwater dump all over the terrible reputation of the original, a wimpy clone completely worse in every way, its only good parts being footage lifted from its mean and nasty progenitor.
Roundly criticized for its grim and humorless attitude, violence and gore, barely explored Native American rights vs. modern industry story, and most especially its explicit rape scenes by people who apparently have no idea what an exploitation or grindhouse movie is, the 1980 version still stands tall as the uncompromising entertaining trash it was designed to be precisely because of all those things. The 1996 version? It’s mainly remembered for the people who were pissed when they bought it thinking it was the original instead. Continue reading “Humanoids from the Deep (1996)”
Flight from Paradise (1990)
It was while watching Flight from Paradise, an obscure Italian post-apocalyptic film mostly about not much of anything, that I finally realized what it was that Logan’s Run had been missing. Camels! Sure, it had Farah Fawcett-Majors, cool models, ice cavern, large robot, Sandmen, Carousel and a ruined Washington D.C. and Flight from Paradise had none of them, but it did have several dopes cruising around on dromedaries! Continue reading “Flight from Paradise (1990)”
You’re in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown! (1994)
When this football-themed Peanuts special was released in January of 1994 (a promotional tie-in by NBC for its broadcast of Super Bowl XXVIII later that month), it was the 37th Peanuts TV special and even without the benefit of having seen the previous 36 installments, it is easily the worst of the lot.
Featuring a borderline non-existent story, mercilessly padded with repetitive nonsense and the total failure to even make an effort to pretend this is anything related to the Peanuts universe, you’ll wander out of a viewing in a daze, astonished that a 25 minute animated special could leave you failing the concussion protocol. Continue reading “You’re in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown! (1994)”
Avalanche (1999)
When America’s Last Frontier is threatened by certain destruction, it falls on the shoulders of one man to rescue the babe, save the city, and outsmart a murderous herd of polar bears! He also has to break through the emotional barrier his best friend’s old lady erects because she blames him for the death of the man they both loved! And if that wasn’t enough, he’s got to go and survive having his plane shot down in the mountains! Continue reading “Avalanche (1999)”