Terror in the Sky is the reason why I never eat airline chicken pot pies. Much like the dreaded “gas station burrito” or the “church social potato salad”, behind their tasty flakiness is only death by diarrhea!
But at least if you get hit with the burrito or potato salad, the worst that can happen is just the destruction of those facilities’ toilets before you are able to limp painfully to the ER for more long lasting relief. When you get a dose of the fiery brown eye due to food poisoning at 40,000 feet? Well, it’s like the great Doug McClure says as he frantically tries to learn to fly the plane, we could be looking at a “wagon load of corpses!” Continue reading “Terror in the Sky (1971)”
I’m not saying that you don’t pick up the priest found drifting by himself in the ocean, but when you do, you need to be smart about it. At a minimum, you probably shouldn’t keep fishing for that big marlin and the captain of the boat should be court-martialed or keelhauled or whatever it is they do to them when they are absurdly derelict in their seafaring duties.
You’d have to be suffering a bout of scurvy to think that letting a priest who looks like the crazed padre that killed himself and opened the gates of hell in City of the Living Dead taking the helm of you boat during a mysterious storm that has broken out while you are in the middle of the Devil’s Triangle is anything other than sheer lunacy! Continue reading “Satan’s Triangle (1975)”
“Ladies and gentlemen. If I may have your attention please. At this time we will begin boarding the SST Death Flight at Gate 32b. Thank you for flying whatever fake airline was created for this TV movie disaster.” Continue reading “SST: Death Flight (1977)”
If you’re foolish and read the mainstream media’s criticism of Humanoids from the Deep, you’d likely come away thinking the film is nothing more than a cynically violent exercise in sleazy exploitation film making, made worse than the usual trash because of all the raping the Humanoids do. That’s not wrong of course.
Even after having just watched this filthy drek for the seventh time, I feel as slimy as if I’d just been molested by these deep sea sex maniacs, too! But all that misses the point of the film. And that of course is exposing the dangers of genetically modified salmon! Continue reading “Humanoids from the Deep (1980)”
At the height of the Cold War, the Soviet Union stopped at nothing to get the drop on the good old US of A! Recruiting their best and brightest to serve as infiltrators, the Reds spared no expense, going so far as to build an exact replica of a small town so perfect in its appearance, it looked like Warner Brothers’ Midwest Street backlot set! Later in the movie, the very same set was used again, this time pretending to be a small town in Arizona, the explanation being that the Russians used that town as the model for their own fake town! Whatever, it looks like you just watched The Music Man too many times! Continue reading “The Death of Me Yet (1971)”
This big screen adaptation of some Edgar Rice Burroughs work that I’ve never bothered to read comes off like a really long live-action Saturday morning television show, probably something akin to Land Of The Lost.
Cheap sets (couldn’t they at least thought about going outside and finding real caves?), clunky monsters flying around on fishing line (don’t even bother trying to hide the fact that these things are just being pushed around by off-screen stage hands), and lame pig-faced people that were obviously ripped off of that one episode of The Twilight Zone are the order of the day! Continue reading “At the Earth’s Core (1976)”