The Day the Earth Moved (1974)

The Big One hits the viewer early on in the small scale earthquake drama The Day the Earth Moved, followed by an hour of aftershocks that easily measure a 9.0 of stupid on the Richter Scale.

From the beginning of the movie when Jackie Cooper’s pilot Steve Barker finds himself a virtual prisoner of a small town’s bizarre system of dealing with speeders to the revelation that somehow he knows an earthquake is about to hit that small town to him having to hijack his own airplane to airlift the disbelieving townspeople to safety, the only thing constructed in more slipshod fashion than the dilapidated town of Bates is the script. Continue reading “The Day the Earth Moved (1974)”

Heatwave! (1974)

Since this ABC Movie of the Week uses an exclamation mark in its title, it’s safe to assume that this is no ordinary heatwave. If it was your routine heatwave, people would simply be sweating, short tempered, whining about their air conditioning not working and moaning about water restrictions. In short, it would be summer. Assigning the heatwave the dreaded Category 5 of punctuation though takes things to next level sizzle! Continue reading “Heatwave! (1974)”

No Place to Hide (1981)

Contrary to everyone else in her life, I didn’t think that wealthy art student Amy Manning was crazy when she claimed that a man in black hid in her car or stalked her through the halls of her school while, saying “soon, Amy soon.” I also didn’t believe she was delusional when the flower shop delivered a black wreath with “RIP” attached to it to her.

What made it clear that she was unbalanced, though suspiciously no one ever commented on it, was that despite her belief she was being stalked by someone never seen by anyone else, she insisted on putting herself in situations where she was all alone at various locations. Under the circumstances, would a rational person stay late at her art class so that she was the last person in the whole school in the middle of the night? (Except for the black clad maniac chasing her through the deserted hallways of course.) Continue reading “No Place to Hide (1981)”

The Last Child (1971)

Much like other long since faded fads like pet rocks, mood rings, pogs and Sniglets, doom and gloom scams come and go with the amazing regularity that only obsessive anti-freedom big government advocates can muster.

Acid rain, nuclear winter, crop failure, Y2K, 2012, asteroids, dirty bombs, pandemics, mega quakes, super volcanoes, smog, global warming, global cooling and every temperature in between are all trotted out from time to time as an excuse to trample on the rights of regular people and increase the power of a highly centralized authority. With such an ever evolving Chicken Little laundry list, it’s tough to keep up with what we are supposed to be scared of in any given month.

Continue reading “The Last Child (1971)”

City Beneath the Sea (1971)

While there are no official records to confirm it, it’s pretty obvious after watching City Beneath the Sea that it was the cause of the great jumpsuit shortage of 1971.

The film takes place in one of those movie futures where almost everyone wears monochromatic onesies while puttering around banks of flashing buttons and pretending that repurposed office furniture are some sort of advanced gear specially designed for the rigors of undersea urban life.

The jumpsuits are apparently used to designate rank or job classification with chocolate seemingly one of the most elite (next to the Admiral’s not unexpected white one) since it was modeled by special guest star Robert Wagner. (Perhaps it’s no surprise that the stunningly unflattering mustard yellow is worn by many of the faceless extras.) Continue reading “City Beneath the Sea (1971)”

The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)

An ancient demon worshiped by the Druids gets a bad case of air rage when rich douchebag architect Alan has parts of an ancient abbey from his wife’s ancestral home shipped from London to New York, including a sacrificial stone the demon is particularly attached to. (Why the demon didn’t see this as an opportunity to harass an entirely new group of people and just relax and enjoy the free flight I don’t know. Some supernatural forces just don’t do well with change I guess.) Continue reading “The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)”

Satan’s School for Girls (1973)

Even Satan himself would have to grudgingly admit that the whole sordid affair he was spearheading at the Salem Academy for Women turned into one of the more embarrassing episodes of his foul existence.

From having to take a job as an art teacher, being unable to convince at least 4 vulnerable women to pledge their souls to him (though he does mesmerize future Charlie’s Angels star Kate Jackson which is nothing to sneeze at) to being defeated by a woman posing as a student who kills almost twice as many people as he does, he doesn’t resemble so much the all powerful ruler of hell as a cool teacher turned failed cult leader. Continue reading “Satan’s School for Girls (1973)”