Starflight: The Plane That Couldn’t Land (1983)

Mission Control to Starflight One, you are cleared for… disaster! It was of course inevitable what with the ominous mix of cutting edge technology, the misgivings of the designer and the presence of several minor league celebrities aboard. (If I ever notice I am a flight with Gavin MacLeod, Charo and Alfonso Ribaro, I am deplaning immediately as that’s clearly a Final Destination situation!) Continue reading “Starflight: The Plane That Couldn’t Land (1983)”

Terror in the Sky (1971)

Terror in the Sky is the reason why I never eat airline chicken pot pies. Much like the dreaded “gas station burrito” or the “church social potato salad”, behind their tasty flakiness is only death by diarrhea!

But at least if you get hit with the burrito or potato salad, the worst that can happen is just the destruction of those facilities’ toilets before you are able to limp painfully to the ER for more long lasting relief. When you get a dose of the fiery brown eye due to food poisoning at 40,000 feet? Well, it’s like the great Doug McClure says as he frantically tries to learn to fly the plane, we could be looking at a “wagon load of corpses!” Continue reading “Terror in the Sky (1971)”

Satan’s Triangle (1975)

I’m not saying that you don’t pick up the priest found drifting by himself in the ocean, but when you do, you need to be smart about it. At a minimum, you probably shouldn’t keep fishing for that big marlin and the captain of the boat should be court-martialed or keelhauled or whatever it is they do to them when they are absurdly derelict in their seafaring duties.

You’d have to be suffering a bout of scurvy to think that letting a priest who looks like the crazed padre that killed himself and opened the gates of hell in City of the Living Dead taking the helm of you boat during a mysterious storm that has broken out while you are in the middle of the Devil’s Triangle is anything other than sheer lunacy! Continue reading “Satan’s Triangle (1975)”

Murder on Flight 502 (1975)

Like any air disaster, Murder on Flight 502 begins in unassuming fashion, routinely assembling its diverse group of passengers, each with their own secret, but most importantly, each a familiar face due to they being aging movie legends, has-been TV stars or from being Robert Stack. Then without warning, it freaking explodes all over you, its 1970s debris of orange upholstery, hideous striped stewardess blouses and Sonny Bono raining down on you like bad movie mana from heaven! Continue reading “Murder on Flight 502 (1975)”

Scarecrow (2013)

Have you ever been forced to watch The Breakfast Club by one of your hipster friends, suffering through all the whining those self-absorbed brats engage in, while you friend acts like it’s some great revelation about how hard it high school is and thought  just how awesome it would be if all of them were viciously murdered by a giant tree?

I know! Who hasn’t wished for a scene where instead of Molly Ringwald arguing with Judd Nelson, both of their chests would be split wide open by really pointy limb? Or that Anthony Michael-Hall’s head would be crushed in a giant wooden claw hand? In short, Scarecrow, is the movie for folks whose favorite character in The Breakfast Club is Principal Vernon. Continue reading “Scarecrow (2013)”