The venerable Demons series of movies reaches the much sought-after milestone of number six with this entry. I think it’s safe to assume that your reaction to a Demons 6 movie is the same as mine was: I guess this means that somewhere in the 1980s there was a Demons 3, Demons 4, and Demons 5? Continue reading “Demons 6 (1989)”
Category: Italian Cinema
Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil (1989)
A lot of crappy stuff happens to David on his ski vacation from hell. He and his friends fall through a crevice into an ice cavern where his old lady suffers a broken leg. One of his friends gets impaled on something or other. His other friends get possessed and cause all sorts of mischief. He stabs either his girlfriend or an ancient witch to death or both. And he even has to put up with a blind priest’s crabby dog!
Worst of all by far though is when he sees some haunted boobies shrivel up right before his very eyes, going from pert, perky, and perfect to withered, wasted, and woeful! Continue reading “Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil (1989)”
The Giants of Thessaly (1960)
This Italian version of Jason And The Argonauts and Jason’s hunt for the golden fleece listed as badly as Jason’s boat did the during the first half hour of the film as he and I had to endure the whining of his traitorous crew. Just because there’s no food, the water is running out, and it’s becoming painfully obvious that Jason has led you on a wild goose chase, is no reason to behave like you’re from Crete. Continue reading “The Giants of Thessaly (1960)”
The Mystery of Thug Island (1964)
No one dares go to Snakes Island! No one that is but an evil Kali-worshipping Thuggee cult. And the British military guy who is seeking vengeance for the kidnapping of his daughter. And the squadron of soldiers and artillery pieces he brings with him. And also the band of snake hunters looking for easy pickings. But other than those hundred or so guys, absolutely no one dares to go to Snakes Island! Continue reading “The Mystery of Thug Island (1964)”
Delta Force Commando II: Priority Red One (1990)
Everything about Delta Force Commando II is twice what Delta Force Commando was! Twice as less action from Fred “The Hammer” Williamson! Twice the use of the same locations as War Bus Commando! Twice the confusing, bland, and poorly staged intrigue! And much more than two times as many scenes of Battlestar Galatica legend Richard Hatch over-emoting to the point of unintentional parody!
Continue reading “Delta Force Commando II: Priority Red One (1990)”
Delta Force Commando (1988)
Does it make me a bad person if as soon as I saw the pregnant Mrs. Delta Force Commando, I was hoping she would be viciously murdered? Continue reading “Delta Force Commando (1988)”
Cy Warrior (1989)
Engineered to the be the perfect killing machine. Part man. Part robot. All ass kick! Cyber Warrior One will be the soldier of the future for the American military. Unaffected by extreme heat and cold, impervious to biological weapons and various and sundry toxins, and completely obedient in following all orders, no matter who wrong they may be, this ultimate force of devastation and freedom-spreading vengeance will continue to ensure our great country’s superiority for generations! Continue reading “Cy Warrior (1989)”