A lot of crappy stuff happens to David on his ski vacation from hell. He and his friends fall through a crevice into an ice cavern where his old lady suffers a broken leg. One of his friends gets impaled on something or other. His other friends get possessed and cause all sorts of mischief. He stabs either his girlfriend or an ancient witch to death or both. And he even has to put up with a blind priest’s crabby dog!
Worst of all by far though is when he sees some haunted boobies shrivel up right before his very eyes, going from pert, perky, and perfect to withered, wasted, and woeful!
There’s no doubt that Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil is a breast man’s worst nightmare come terrifyingly true, but what about the rest of us? I am pleased to report to all the guys who love butts that there are no special effects involving an ass turning into a wrinkled up prune.
You feet and leg guys though may want to have the barf bags at the ready since there’s a moment where the witch is trying to hump poor old David and her legs and feet turn into a giant chicken claw! And if David is like I am with the ladies, he could very well end up with egg on his face!
Undoubtedly, director Lamberto Bava (Demons, Demons 2, Demons III: The Ogre) is making some sort of comment about man’s fear of commitment. Like, we’re sacred our old lady is going to turn into a big, greasy chicken with saggy tits as soon as we slip that wedding ring on!
And yeah, he’s pretty much spot on, isn’t he, fellas? You just know that as soon as you tie the knot, that sweet little sexy thing you married is immediately giving up on keeping up her appearance and suddenly one morning, you’re waking up to some nasty thing with snakes in her hair and a Satanic husky voice!
Bava’s modern day spin on his father’s Black Sunday, isn’t just a straight ahead remake, nor is it truly a sequel to his previous Demons movies. While the plot in its broadest terms is from Black Sunday, there’s enough differences that fans of the first film shouldn’t feel outraged or bored by what transpires in this one. I mean, we’re trading spooky castles for underground ice caverns! And there’s a giant devil tongue used on David! And what about the chick who starts puking? And the one who eats bird eggs? David, your possessed friends are the skeeviest possessed friends ever!
Like Black Sunday, the story involves a witch from several hundred years in the past being condemned to die for her witchy ways. A mask with spikes sticking out of it is pounded into her evil face, but not before she lays down one of those standard issue witch curses that are designed to harass folks in the future.
And since her evil is contained only so long as the mask is not removed, all that remains is for some moron to amble by and take off the mask so that the witch can be revived and her dried up jugs can wreak their desiccated wrath on unsuspecting Italian stud skiers everywhere!
No sooner does one of David’s dippy friends appropriate the mask for his own use does all sorts of strange things begin to happen. David’s girlfriend Sabina has her broken leg mysteriously healed and an underground church is revealed. Everyone also begins to act odd and besides some of the really gross stuff already mentioned, you know David’s pals are definitely in Satan’s foul grip when they decide to torment the blind priest by rearranging his furniture, causing him to trip and fall! Can Satan’s minions be stopped before they short sheet the poor bastard’s bed?
The priest though has a few of his own low-wattage tricks up his sleeve! Like when he writes the first letter of each of David’s friend’s names on a dirty window to spell out the word “Anibas” which just happens to be the name of the witch frozen in the ice cave! And that’s pretty much all he’s got aside from giving David a few pointers on how to battle the witch later in the movie.
David then spends the rest of the movie periodically getting tricked by the witch and/or his girlfriend, never seeming to remember that his girlfriend is possessed. Even after killing her!
Despite a sluggish and repetitive middle part of the film, Bava uses the snow-strewn sets and locations to convey a decent sense of isolation as well as keeping the movie visually interesting. All the characters involved are forgettable dolts you don’t care about, but David does show a spark of genius when he manages to realize that “Anibas” is actually “Sabina” backwards! Those who are immediately reminded of the word “Nilbog” are precisely the sorts of people who will enjoy all the chicken-legged devil hoochie skiing action that Demons 5 brings!
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