Murder on Flight 502 (1975)

Like any air disaster, Murder on Flight 502 begins in unassuming fashion, routinely assembling its diverse group of passengers, each with their own secret, but most importantly, each a familiar face due to they being aging movie legends, has-been TV stars or from being Robert Stack. Then without warning, it freaking explodes all over you, its 1970s debris of orange upholstery, hideous striped stewardess blouses and Sonny Bono raining down on you like bad movie mana from heaven! Continue reading “Murder on Flight 502 (1975)”

Scarecrow (2013)

Have you ever been forced to watch The Breakfast Club by one of your hipster friends, suffering through all the whining those self-absorbed brats engage in, while you friend acts like it’s some great revelation about how hard it high school is and thought  just how awesome it would be if all of them were viciously murdered by a giant tree?

I know! Who hasn’t wished for a scene where instead of Molly Ringwald arguing with Judd Nelson, both of their chests would be split wide open by really pointy limb? Or that Anthony Michael-Hall’s head would be crushed in a giant wooden claw hand? In short, Scarecrow, is the movie for folks whose favorite character in The Breakfast Club is Principal Vernon. Continue reading “Scarecrow (2013)”

The Hollow (2015)

When will these small towns learn? Sometimes the smart thing to do is to learn how to stop worrying and learn to love the gals practicing witchcraft. As soon as the first crop failure, baby born with fangs or town poopyhead is turned into a deformed goat, the reactionary elements in the town immediately want to hit Home Depot for some wooden stakes and lighter fluid!

But how many times do they go through with this only to have a curse laid down on them, their descendants and town? Every single time! And how many times after this happens to every single small-minded small town does the next one decide that maybe a town hall meeting on tolerance should be explored instead? Never! Continue reading “The Hollow (2015)”

The Day the Earth Moved (1974)

The Big One hits the viewer early on in the small scale earthquake drama The Day the Earth Moved, followed by an hour of aftershocks that easily measure a 9.0 of stupid on the Richter Scale.

From the beginning of the movie when Jackie Cooper’s pilot Steve Barker finds himself a virtual prisoner of a small town’s bizarre system of dealing with speeders to the revelation that somehow he knows an earthquake is about to hit that small town to him having to hijack his own airplane to airlift the disbelieving townspeople to safety, the only thing constructed in more slipshod fashion than the dilapidated town of Bates is the script. Continue reading “The Day the Earth Moved (1974)”

Heatwave! (1974)

Since this ABC Movie of the Week uses an exclamation mark in its title, it’s safe to assume that this is no ordinary heatwave. If it was your routine heatwave, people would simply be sweating, short tempered, whining about their air conditioning not working and moaning about water restrictions. In short, it would be summer. Assigning the heatwave the dreaded Category 5 of punctuation though takes things to next level sizzle! Continue reading “Heatwave! (1974)”

No Place to Hide (1981)

Contrary to everyone else in her life, I didn’t think that wealthy art student Amy Manning was crazy when she claimed that a man in black hid in her car or stalked her through the halls of her school while, saying “soon, Amy soon.” I also didn’t believe she was delusional when the flower shop delivered a black wreath with “RIP” attached to it to her.

What made it clear that she was unbalanced, though suspiciously no one ever commented on it, was that despite her belief she was being stalked by someone never seen by anyone else, she insisted on putting herself in situations where she was all alone at various locations. Under the circumstances, would a rational person stay late at her art class so that she was the last person in the whole school in the middle of the night? (Except for the black clad maniac chasing her through the deserted hallways of course.) Continue reading “No Place to Hide (1981)”

The Last Child (1971)

Much like other long since faded fads like pet rocks, mood rings, pogs and Sniglets, doom and gloom scams come and go with the amazing regularity that only obsessive anti-freedom big government advocates can muster.

Acid rain, nuclear winter, crop failure, Y2K, 2012, asteroids, dirty bombs, pandemics, mega quakes, super volcanoes, smog, global warming, global cooling and every temperature in between are all trotted out from time to time as an excuse to trample on the rights of regular people and increase the power of a highly centralized authority. With such an ever evolving Chicken Little laundry list, it’s tough to keep up with what we are supposed to be scared of in any given month.

Continue reading “The Last Child (1971)”