Category: War

Wartime (1987)

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Wartime VHS CoverFollowing the collapse of the cannibals and barbarian film genres in the early 1980s, director Umberto Lenzi took a brief detour before finishing off the decade with a bounty of no less than six cheap and cheesy horror movies. A detour right into the heart of war-torn Yugoslavia!

Was Umberto documenting the ethnic cleansing that wracked the region following the fall of the Soviet empire? Was he leading a campaign of underemployed Italian exploitation movie directors to provide aid and comfort to displaced refugees by holding charity screenings of Nightmare City and Eaten Alive?

Are you nuts? Who cares about that war? I’m talking about a real war! World War II! The one where a handful of Johnny Yanks could take on the entire German army and carry out impossible suicide missions on an almost weekly basis! Continue reading “Wartime (1987)” →

Just a Damned Soldier (1988)

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Whenever one of us lovers of Italian trash cinema talks up Mark Gregory as an icon of that world, non fans are prone to write it off as just so much irony. He’s got a big perm in his most visible roles, can’t stand, pose, or walk convincingly, has gorgeous pouty lips, and is most famous for appearing as a guy named Trash. It’s like we’re just trying to be funny about how important he is by pointing out how ill-suited he was to acting. And that’s true – something like Adam and Eve is going to be pretty challenging to sit through if you don’t go into it with the right attitude. Continue reading “Just a Damned Soldier (1988)” →

Brothers in Blood (1987)

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A lot of guys who kicked ass over in Nam got a dose of that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that good old sneaky Charlie was lacing their tunnels with. The severity of the PTSD varies, but it can be so bad that you turn to self-medicating yourself like Steel did in this movie, causing him to get liquored up and beat down the cowards in the bars who didn’t have the balls to go to Nam! That’s some pretty cool PTSD! Or at least it would be if we actually got to see it instead of just having Steel’s whiny wife recount it for us and Steel when she’s picking him up outside the police station. Continue reading “Brothers in Blood (1987)” →

Days of Hell (1986)

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If your favorite parts of Italian war movies are the scenes of jeeps driving around some ugly foreign country, Days of Hell will have you creaming in your camos!

Easily taking home the coveted title “Italian War Movie With Most Jeepage Per Minute,” Days of Hell helmer Tonino Ricci (Rush, A Man Called Rage, Raiders Of The Magic Ivory) brings an added depth to all the Jeeping around in the film, by having his crack commando team frequently jumping out of it to shoot native tribesmen and Russians. Additionally, in one Jeep-orgasmic sequence, D Team actually splits up and starts cruising around in two Jeeps! Two Jeeps? Admit it, you just got an M-16-sized chubby! Continue reading “Days of Hell (1986)” →

Brothers in War (1989)

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So much of the Vietnam POW experience is portrayed in a negative light. There’s the obscene physical abuse as well as the unrelenting mental torture. There’s the inhuman living conditions and the years away from loved ones. There’s the uncertainty of whether you are going to live through the next morning or whether you’re going to get another meal. Then, even if there is a rescue mission mounted by a one man killing machine named Rambo or Braddock, there’s the distinct possibility that you might be one of the anonymous grubby guys who dies in the escape attempt. Continue reading “Brothers in War (1989)” →

Reunion in France (1942)

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ReunionInFrancePosterDuring World War II, Hollywood eagerly joined up with America and her allies in an effort to whip a little Axis tail and they too wanted to launch their own assaults trumpeting freedom, courage, and sacrifice. But in wartime, you have to be able to think outside the box and come up with that one-two punch the enemy never sees coming! Thus the excruciatingly unsuccessful teaming of Joan Crawford and John Wayne in a movie about occupied France. (Another unpleasant aspect of a wartime movie like Reunion in France is that sometimes the audience suffers a little friendly fire and becomes collateral damage.) Continue reading “Reunion in France (1942)” →

American Commandos (1986)

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American Commandos is the sort of film where the hero’s wife is introduced just long enough for him to tell her that he doesn’t know what he would do without her, thus tipping the audience off she’ll be dead within the next two scenes.

It’s also the kind of movie where the little orphan boy that the hero adopts in Vietnam in between fire fights is unironically named Charlie. And it’s the kind of movie where one of the guys he fought with in Nam became an Interpol agent who helps him battle the heroin trade in the Golden Triangle which just happens to be run by another guy he fought with.

And it is most definitely the kind of movie where the guys who fought together were known as the Rat Bastards.

In short, American Commandos is a classic. Continue reading “American Commandos (1986)” →