Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)

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If you recall the magical doodads Indiana Jones was after in his various adventures, they all had some kind of superpower that was supposed to awe us. The Lost Ark melted dudes who stared at it, the Holy Grail was like a fountain of youth and really kick ass dose of Neosporin and nobody remembers anything about the Temple of Doom or that crystal skull.

For my money though, the most fearsome of these jungle Maltese Falcons infused with voodoo magic juice isn’t one those top of the line cinema treasures, but one of its economy-class import imitators, the Golden Cobra! And you know why? Because anyone with a home theater can identify with what happens to our heroes in this film! Continue reading “Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)” →

Desert Kickboxer (1992)

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I don’t talk about it much because it’s pretty sacred and all, but I’m part Indian. And let me tell you, that part of me loved every minute of Desert Kickboxer! The alternately touching and thrilling story of Indian half-breed Joe Mullethawk grabbed me by the hair, threatening to scalp my very head with its double crosses, flashbacks, fighting, and yes, its loving!

Writer/director Isaac Florentine (U.S. Seals II, Special Forces, Savate, Cold Harvest) knows that no man is more manly than when he’s being haunted by the demons of his kickboxing past! Or when he’s using the tale of his haunted past to bang some pretty squaw who’s on the run from a drug kingpin! Continue reading “Desert Kickboxer (1992)” →

Possessed (1947)

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PossessedPosterAs someone in the beginning stages of schizophrenia, the voices in my head kept telling me that I should check out this movie starring Joan Crawford as a woman who goes off her rocker because of her obsession with Van Heflin.

With his boyish good looks and roguish charm, Van probably should have come with a warning label, especially since he causes Crawford’s Louise to disintegrate beautifully from a healthy, emotionally needy nurse to a deranged rich dame who imagines things and suffers from enormous mood swings.

Van plays David Sutton and is one of those single guys that likes hanging out with women so long as they know that it isn’t anything too serious. He’s an engineer of some sort and is prone to saying stuff like “I know two plus two is always four” and expects Louise to understand why this means they’ll never be married. Continue reading “Possessed (1947)” →

Doctor Zhivago (1965)

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As directed by David Lean, Dr. Zhivago is a movie of sweeping scale and swirling historical events about the life of a Russian poet. Once it was all over though, I wondered why more time wasn’t devoted to Zhivago and less time devoted to shots of trees fluttering, frosted over windows, and really cold countryside. As the movie drew to a close, I felt like all I knew about Zhivago was that he loves to pump blondes, write poems, and isn’t really sold on this Russian Revolution thing. Heck, that could describe any of us! Continue reading “Doctor Zhivago (1965)” →

Deep Red (1975)

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Deep Red echoes Daro Argento’s earlier (and not as good) The Bird With The Crystal Plumage with its tale of a foreigner in Rome witnessing and getting himself mixed up in a murder (and getting everyone around him killed along the way). Don’t let the fact that this feels like an instance of a director remaking his own movie deter you from checking it out because Argento is able to play up his strengths (kinetic camera work, sudden vicious violence, a sense of isolation) and jettison all the barnacles that slow his other pictures down (pointless red herrings, lazy plotting, all the self-referential crap that helped to sink Tenebre). Continue reading “Deep Red (1975)” →

City of the Living Dead (1980)

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I remember back in the early 1980s when this movie played the local drive-in under the title of The Gates of Hell for something like three straight months and accompanied by the greatest poster ever. Watching it again all these years later, I still found this to be an enjoyable ride with a pleasingly ample supply of gooey special effects. Plus the DVD cover mimics the incredible poster and whenever I doubted the movie was indeed awesome, I just looked at the front of the DVD to remind myself that it was! Continue reading “City of the Living Dead (1980)” →

The New York Ripper (1982)

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Lucio Fulci takes a break from his supernatural slasher movies (see: The Beyond, House By The Cemetery and City Of The Living Dead) to revisit his second favorite genre, the Donald Duck related slasher.

His first go around with Disney’s miserable mallard was detailed in Don’t Torture A Duckling. In that film a Donald Duck doll was an important clue to the identity of a raving madman. In The New York Ripper, it isn’t a Donald Duck doll that figures prominently, but a killer that taunts the police by calling them up on the phone and talking like Donald Duck, complete with quacking noises! Continue reading “The New York Ripper (1982)” →