Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

InvasionOfTheBeeGirlsPosterSaddled with an idiotic idea that doesn’t even allow for any great scenes of violence or horror (other than a few naked 1970s people), Invasion Of The Bee Girls does at least manage to sprinkle some absurdly funny moments throughout its duration.

Now, there aren’t anywhere near enough of them and you may have to exercise quite a liberal view as to what constitutes “absurdly funny,” but it does manage to keep you from going completely comatose during all those scenes of ugly scientists sitting around wondering what’s happening in their sleepy little town.

It becomes clear early on that the filmmakers are going to attempt to cover up the movie’s shortcomings by uncovering some of the movie’s actors. That’s always a pretty questionable move since the sorts of folks who would be willing to take off their clothes for a cheap movie back in 1973 may not exactly be everyone’s cup of tea.

Sure, the movie featured some chick who was a Playboy Playmate of some ancient year or other, but then again it also featured a pretty flaccid scene of a guy and gal rolling around in the grass without a stitch on. And just a note to the gals in the crowd, no matter what your friends tell you, walking around in the woods dressed only in white cowboy boots requires a great deal of dedication to diet and fitness.

To the prudes who would say that gratuitous nudism in horror movies is simply wrong, Invasion Of The Bee Girls isn’t about to shirk its responsibility to a society that might allow youngsters to accidentally view mom and dad’s MGM Midnite Movies Double Features while they’re gone to work. In this film, one of the characters actually preaches abstinence at a town meeting as a way to stay safe!

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Of course he’s practically laughed off the stage and the local union boss defiantly announces that he’s not about to quit “balling” as this movie so colorfully puts it on occasion.

Strong Christians with low sex drives though have the last laugh when the union boss is found dead with his pants down around his ankles out in the street later that evening. Have fun roasting in hell, you horny sinner!

The subject of abstinence arises at this town meeting after a series of deaths that sees local men dying of sexual exhaustion. The police are stumped and it falls to Neil Agar, government agent, to unravel these saucy slayings.

Could it possibly have something to do with the research projects that are going on at the Brandt labs in town? Perhaps the sexy, ice queen scientist who wears big ugly sunglasses most of the time has some connection to these erotic events? And what about all those pictures of bees that she has on her office wall?

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I’ll admit that Agent Neil didn’t exactly inspire much confidence in me since he seemed to be spending as much time getting his swerve on with the gal in charge of the Brandt research library as solving these kinky killings.

Following a military quarantine of the town, Agent Neil has his gal pal fire up the film projector and watch a movie about insects to confirm his suspicions.

Now, as he explained to some of the scientists, this may sound crazy, but what if somehow, a bunch of sexy broads had gone and crossbred themselves with bees so that they now had the powers of super sexy bees and killed guys trying to make it with them?

What those powers exactly were, why it killed the men, or why these dopes ever decided to become bee women in the first place wasn’t really addressed by Agent Neil’s “just so crazy it might be right” theory, but Agent Neil is looking to shut these monsters down, not write a fricking thesis on them, right?

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While I was still scratching my head trying to figure out how Agent Neil ever came up with the bee woman idea, he had left me in the dust and was back at the secret lab where the bee broads had kidnapped his girlfriend and were trying to convert her into one of their own kind!

Nothing was ever explained as to why any of this happened. Sure, we find out that the bee girls kept screwing guys because they were following their bee instincts to procreate, but the process had made them sterile, but I finally realized it wasn’t ever going to make any sense when I watched the bee girls pour pancake batter over a recruit in order to change her to one of them somehow.

Invasion of the Bee Girls flirts with “so bad it’s not too painful” status, but falls short since there a long stretches of boring exposition interrupting the sillier aspects (such as the use of the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey over the closing credits that features bees pollinating flowers).

MGM puts Invasion Of The Bee Girls on the same disc as the unfunny and dumb Invasion Of The Star Creatures providing you twice the pain and wasted time all for one low price. A real bargain for those looking to abuse themselves cinematically.

© 2014 MonsterHunter

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