In space, no one can hear you drop the soap in the prison shower! Incoming, a Serbia-lensed (and most obviously, Serbia-budgeted) film features a concept so stunningly stupid, you’re amazed it took all the way until 2018 for a bottom-feeding action movie to come up with it!
You know how we got all these terrorists running around these days? And how we need information from the ones we capture about their future plans and organizational structure? But since they’re hard core fanatics, they usually aren’t willing to provide any useful intel even when we offer sweet deals such as reducing their sentence from 114 life sentences to 99 life sentences?
We also can’t go all Jack Bauer on them because everyone with a conscience starts screaming about the Geneva Convention! Heck, it’s gotten so bad on the terror fighting front that people even complain when we call torture “enhanced interrogation” instead! Damn, when did everyone get so sensitive? Continue reading “Incoming (2018)”
Frankenstein Conquers the World is yet another example of why it was such a bad idea for the Japanese to team up with Germany in World War II. In the waning days of the conflict, the Germans decide to do their Axis ally one last “solid” and deliver a mysterious briefcase to them. The case is opened once it is safely in a Japanese lab. Inside is a mint condition eternally beating Frankenstein heart! Thanks for that, Fritz! Continue reading “Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965)”
Cyborg cop is back! Except that there aren’t any cops who are cyborgs in it! You do get a pack of evil cyborgs. You also get a cop. So maybe the filmmakers accidentally left a comma out of the movie’s title.
But who really cares if there aren’t any mechanical police stiffly delivering their lines or wearing a vacant expression throughout the film. That’s what star David Bradley is for! Besides who needs a bionic arm that turns into a Gatling gun when you’re wearing a freaking fanny pack! That thing could hold extra pomade, spare pair of oversized sunglasses, or even a dead partner’s souvenir lighter which can be dramatically pulled out during the climax to finish off the rabid robot! Continue reading “Cyborg Cop II (1994)”
The first time was for his family! The second time was to dominate our pathetic dimension! Now, Xtro is back and this time it’s for his family! Seriously! But it’s like really, really double personal! Continue reading “Xtro 3: Watch the Skies (1995)”
Xtro is back for revenge! Ok not really. After all, Xtro pretty much won at the end of Xtro what with him killing everyone, turning his son into a junior Xtro and leaving a passel of eggs inside his wife’s fridge. So I guess he’s back just to rub it in our inferior human faces! You think he was leaving his alien dookie all over the Nexus project facility just because he couldn’t hold it until he got to the restroom? That was totally a “I just pooped in your precious lab and what you are going to do about it” moment! Continue reading “Xtro II: The Second Encounter (1990)”
Walking in on my your mom banging her douchey photographer boyfriend is pretty traumatizing for a whiny little boy. Even more traumatizing is watching your dad get abducted by aliens. Most traumatizing of all though? Having to listen to your mom bad mouth your dad for walking out on you while trying to position her new boy toy as your replacement dad! Most of us from broken homes can agree that great portions of our childhood were spent fantasizing about how our real dad came back with all kinds bad ass alien super powers and just killed the crap out of everyone and high fiving us when it was all over! Continue reading “Xtro (1982)”
You can be forgiven if you forgot that World War III happened back in 1998 like Creepozoids depicts with all the conviction of a movie made for a few thousand dollars inside a single building with six people, including scream queen Linnea Quigley, guys who spend most of the film shrieking like women (Quigley must have been wondering if they were trying to steal her gimmick) and a sometimes porn star can muster. Continue reading “Creepozoids (1987)”