Whenever one of us lovers of Italian trash cinema talks up Mark Gregory as an icon of that world, non fans are prone to write it off as just so much irony. He’s got a big perm in his most visible roles, can’t stand, pose, or walk convincingly, has gorgeous pouty lips, and is most famous for appearing as a guy named Trash. It’s like we’re just trying to be funny about how important he is by pointing out how ill-suited he was to acting. And that’s true – something like Adam and Eve is going to be pretty challenging to sit through if you don’t go into it with the right attitude. Continue reading “Just a Damned Soldier (1988)”
Category: 1980s
Brothers in Blood (1987)
A lot of guys who kicked ass over in Nam got a dose of that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that good old sneaky Charlie was lacing their tunnels with. The severity of the PTSD varies, but it can be so bad that you turn to self-medicating yourself like Steel did in this movie, causing him to get liquored up and beat down the cowards in the bars who didn’t have the balls to go to Nam! That’s some pretty cool PTSD! Or at least it would be if we actually got to see it instead of just having Steel’s whiny wife recount it for us and Steel when she’s picking him up outside the police station. Continue reading “Brothers in Blood (1987)”
Zombie 5: Killing Birds (1987)
The incredible thing about Zombie 5: Killing Birds is that it manages to disappoint both fans of zombie movies and fans of killing bird movies. Continue reading “Zombie 5: Killing Birds (1987)”
Zombie 4: After Death (1989)
Has there ever been a movie in the history of the world that was any good and had a “4” at the end of the title? Zombi 3, for those of us still in therapy and repressing most of it, is the movie that Lucio Fulci began, but quit and that Bruno Mattei finished up for him. But don’t rip your own intestines out yet! This isn’t really a sequel! Shot simply as After Death, the slapping of the zombie tag on the film was merely a marketing gimmick! No need to worry that the film won’t utterly fail because it’s trying to continue whatever was happening in the previous gooey mess. It will utterly fail on its own merits! Continue reading “Zombie 4: After Death (1989)”
Miami Golem (1985)
At some point in Miami Golem, I realized that local TV reporter Craig Milford was quite low functioning, albeit still adept at handling a firearm and piloting an airboat through the Florida Everglades.
But it wasn’t because he only halfheartedly said it was crazy and didn’t immediately dump his new girlfriend when she said the strange things he recorded at the university lab weren’t a message from Atlantis but from aliens from another dimension. (If a woman is hot enough her crazy talk doesn’t really register.) Continue reading “Miami Golem (1985)”
Secret of the Incas’ Empire (1987)
At long last it can be revealed! The startling secret of the Incas’ empire has been hidden from the eyes of the white man for a millennia! Now, thanks to the unceasing efforts of Professor Bradbury and his sidekick, Linda Logan, the entire world will know what has been concealed beneath the volcano deep in Incan country, wherever the hell that is! Continue reading “Secret of the Incas’ Empire (1987)”
Days of Hell (1986)
If your favorite parts of Italian war movies are the scenes of jeeps driving around some ugly foreign country, Days of Hell will have you creaming in your camos!
Easily taking home the coveted title “Italian War Movie With Most Jeepage Per Minute,” Days of Hell helmer Tonino Ricci (Rush, A Man Called Rage, Raiders Of The Magic Ivory) brings an added depth to all the Jeeping around in the film, by having his crack commando team frequently jumping out of it to shoot native tribesmen and Russians. Additionally, in one Jeep-orgasmic sequence, D Team actually splits up and starts cruising around in two Jeeps! Two Jeeps? Admit it, you just got an M-16-sized chubby! Continue reading “Days of Hell (1986)”